Edtallica
by Belgie
Summary: The Eds have just finished high school and are trying to get their garage band off the ground. Hilarity and angst will ensue!Final Chapter up!
1. Yesterdays

**Edtallica **

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n' Eddy, or any of those other characters, and unfortunately, I'm not the first to put the Eds in a band… I also don't own the song "Yesterday" by Guns n' Roses, which I use part of in the story. I also have nothing to do with Poison, Motley Crue, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, or any other band mentioned.

Now, with that said, I give you chapter one…

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Chapter 1: Yesterdays

_Yesterday_

_There were so many things I was never told_

_Now that I'm starting to learn, I feel I'm growing old…_

Eddy lazily sprawled himself on his bed and started impatiently twirling a drumstick in his right hand as he ran his fingers through his mane of dark hair with his left. The Guns n' Roses song he was playing on his stereo actually fit his mood. Six years had past, and he as well as Ed and Double D had changed. He and his friends no longer cared about conning the kids in the cul-de-sac out of their meager allowances just to by a useless piece of candy. He and the Eds found a new passion, music… heavy metal music to be exact.

Eddy recalled that his love of the music began while visiting his brother five years ago. Eddy's big brother and mentor, Jeff, introduced Eddy to bands like AC/DC, Poison, and Motley Crue during the short visit. Eddy became hooked and sold his disco records and record player to buy a stereo along with some Poison and 'Crue albums. He also, as weird as it seems, grew to idolize Tommy Lee, and took up drums when he was in 8th grade to be like his hero.

Ed and Edd shortly followed Eddy in becoming metal fans. Edd grew to like bands like Rush and Iron Maiden. He also sold the pedal steel guitar that he despised so much to buy a simple red Fender Telecaster. Edd showed the same talent on the Telecaster that he had on the pedal steel guitar and became a virtuoso in playing mind-melting solos by his sophomore year. Ed's room was no longer a filthy shrine of poorly made monster movies. "_Liver and Onions" and "It came from France" _posters came down to make room for "Blue Oyster Cult" and "The Misfits" posters. He too bought a guitar and started taking lessons from Edd, his fingers were too big and clumsy to play solos, but he did become quite the rhythm guitarist.

They combined their talents and formed a garage band when they were freshmen, calling themselves "Edtallica" and letting their hair get long to look "more official" as Eddy put it. The band would celebrate its third anniversary the next day, which was also the first day of summer.

"EDDY! Could you get down here? I'd like to discuss something with you." Eddy's dad called from downstairs.

Eddy snapped from his trance and slowly trudged down the stairs, drumstick in hand. He turned down the hallway and saw his father sitting at the kitchen table. The table was hardly visible due to all the papers and envelopes that cluttered it. In the middle of the jungle of paper sat Eddy's father, wearing a very serious look on his face.

"Sit down Eddy." He commanded.

Eddy casually plopped himself in the wooden chair and leaned back, twirling his drumstick in his fingers. "What's up, pop?"

"I'll tell you _what's up." _His father hissed, "Do you know what came in the mail today, Eddy?"

"Oh yeah, this month's issue of Drummer Boy quarterly came in!" Eddy recalled.

"Anything else?" his father asked.

"Uh…"

"Good lord… the acceptance letters from all the colleges you applied to arrived!" his dad barked.

"Ah, yeah, that's right!" Eddy replied.

"Have you read them yet, son?" his father asked, staring at Eddy with his beady, dark eyes.

"Nope." Eddy replied plainly.

"_I _have Eddy. It appears none of them will accept you, not even the _state college! _Do you have any idea why this happened_?" _his father seethed.

"Can't say I do…" Eddy responded, lazily throwing his drumstick in the air.

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU SPEND MORE TIME HANGING AROUND WITH YOUR SLACKER FRIENDS LISTENING TO YOUR ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC THAN STUDYING!"

Eddy's eyes grew wide with surprise at the sudden outburst. His drumstick hit the tile floor with a high-pitched click as his father continued to scream.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? YOU CAN'T GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A COLLEGE EDUCATION!"

Eddy opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, his father spoke again.

"What are you going to do with your life, son? Just tell me, please…"

Eddy took a deep breath and gulped. "Music, dad." He muttered.

His father's jaw dropped at his response. He slapped his forehead with his hand and shook it in disbelief.

"I'm serious, dad." Eddy continued, "Me and the guys, we're getting really good! I think we have a good chance of making it big in the heavy metal industry."

His father sighed heavily as he looked at Eddy in the eyes.

"I'll tell you what, son… if you're so serious about being a big-time rock star, you have the summer to prove to me and your mother that you can do it."

Eddy grinned, he couldn't believe his _dad _of all people was giving him this opportunity!

"…But if you don't, we're taking a trip to the barber shop to get that, that, _mop_ cut down to normal length, and then we're going to see if we can't get the Devry Institute to let you take courses. Now, do we have a deal?" His father asked, sticking out his hand.

"_Deal." _Eddy answered, shaking hands.

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A/N: Well, there's chapter one. Did I mention that this is my first fic? Well, read and review, I'll write more later on if you like it.


	2. Hook them and they will come

Disclaimer: I still don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy or anything else in this story to this point.

Well, time for chapter two, but first I'd like to thank Ghost Helwig and everybody else who read and reviewed "Edtallica" to this point. Ah, but I ramble! On to chapter two!

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"_Eddy… Eddy… can you hear me?" _

"_Huh? Yeah, but who are you?" _

"_Come on, dude, you know who I am…" _

" _I do?" _

" _Pfft… you're hopeless, I'll give you a hint, I died when my band's tour bus crashed in the middle of the tour, and I was replaced by a certain Jason Newsted…" _

"_Cl- Cliff Burton?" _

"_Yeah, Eddy. I heard about that huge bet you made with your dad. So, you want to see if you can be a metal star, see if you can't get your band out of Ed's basement and onto the stage?" _

"_Uh-huh…" _

"_That's cool and all, but you, Ed, and Double D are missing two essentials for any band, kid. Got any idea what those things are, Einstein?" _

"_Well uh… we don't have a bassist yet… or a singer." _

"_Bingo. "_

"_But how do I find them, Cliff? Nobody in the cul-de-sac can carry a note if it had handles on it." _

"_C'mon kid, if nobody in your little cul-de-sac can do it, that means you have to…" _

"_Set up ads in the paper and stuff?" _

"_You're not as dumb as you look, kid. I'm going to leave you now, set up ads everywhere, remember, if you hook them, they will come…" _

"_Ok, I'll try, bye Cliff!"_

"_Bye kid, and good luck…" _

Eddy's eyes opened slowly. Beams of sunlight peered through his curtains, lighting up the room with a warm glow.

"Aw man, what a weird dream…" Eddy mumbled.

He rolled out of bed and threw on an old concert t-shirt and some jeans, thinking about what Cliff told him to do. After he sprayed his hair with Aqua Net (yes, Aqua Net…) he picked up his phone to call Edd. It was 10:30, so he was probably polishing his Telecaster or something.

"Double D's room, Double D speaking!" his friend answered.

"Hey Double D, it's me Eddy."

"Oh, hey Eddy. You're up a little early, aren't you?"

"Yeah sure, listen dude, get Ed up, I'll meet you at his house. It's about the band. I'll see you then!" Eddy said hurriedly.

"Very well, I'll get Ed then…" Edd replied in a confused tone.

Eddy hung up the phone and began making plans of how to "hook" the singer and bassist that the band sorely needed. Double D still had connections to the _Peach Creek Gazette_, maybe he would be able to get the "musicians wanted" add in the paper. They would also need to make huge signs to put up everywhere.

He found Double D and Ed waiting for him when he got outside. Ed was excitedly running in circles, his mullet flapping in the wind behind him as he went.

"Hiya Eddy!" Ed called.

"What point do you have about the band?" Edd asked as Eddy drew closer.

Eddy then told his fellow "Metal Eds" about the bet he made with his dad and what Cliff told them to do to help get the band rolling.

"So… let me get this straight… _Cliff Burton _came to you in a dream and said that we need to put ads up in the paper and all over town to find a bassist and a singer?" Double D questioned.

"And your dad is going to turn you into a mindless white collar zombie like the ones from "Planet Corporation" if we are not big successes by the end of the summer?!" Ed gasped.

"Uh… yeah, so what do ya say boys? Let's get started!" Eddy proclaimed.

Eddy set Ed to work on making the huge posters while he and Edd got to work on the "musicians wanted" ad. After a day's work Ed managed to make ten posters that showed a photo of the three of them with a silhouette of a fourth person with captions around it that said "Yer hed heere" and "This cood be you!"

They hung the posters up in the cul-de-sac, the lane, and other places where people could see them.

"Well boys, we've done all we can do now." Eddy proclaimed.

As Eddy plopped himself on to his bed, he remembered what Cliff said.

_If you hook them, they will come…. _

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A/N: I know that the dream was kinda "Wayne's World 2"-ish, but it was still good, right? Well, until next time, read and review.


	3. Dead to us

Claimer: I actually _own_ something now! The character I use in this chapter, Christian, is my creation. He'll be appearing in the rest of the story from this point.

Thanks again to everyone who has read and reviewed "Edtallica" it's good for me to know that some people want me to keep writing. Oh, I know it doesn't really have Angst. It'll get depressing soon, I promise. Ah, I'm rambling again, enjoy chapter 3.

Chapter 3: Dead to us…

A light, cold rain fell on Christian St. Denis' head, causing his long, scraggily mane of black-dyed hair to drip and stick to him like a wet blanket. The rain chilled him to the bone, but he just stood there outside the cold, unloving den of dishevelment where he had been goaded out of a few minutes earlier.

The young Canadian was now the _former_ bassist of one of the most popular local bands, the Goth-metal quartet that called themselves Iron Fist. How fitting a name it was for the band, for they ruled the local heavy metal scene with well, an iron fist... They had squashed any other helpless band that even tried to land a gig with their vicious power chords and primal screeching vocals. Aspiring rockers had a snowball's chance in hell of getting gigs as long as long as Iron Fist was still in power…

But that meant nothing to Christian. He was dead to Iron Fist. The people that he thought were his friends and even _his own_ _brother_ had disowned him. They had fired him from the band for making a single mistake. He crawled in to his beat up black pickup truck and replayed the scene in his mind.

He walked into the run-down factory that the band rented for practice sessions. As he walked down the stairs that led the basement floor, he saw his band mates sitting in folding chairs, seemingly waiting for him to show up.

"_Ah, Christian…. We've been waiting for you." _

"_Sorry I'm late, I-"_

"_Sit down." _

He did as he was told, not wanting to upset them further.

"_Christian I'd say that the band is prospering quite well, don't you agree?" the front man, who called himself "Van Helsing" asked him in his deep, scary voice. _

"_Uh… yeah, sure, I'd say were doin' pretty good." _

"_Yes, we are doing more than just 'pretty good' and we would like to keep flourishing as we are now. Which brings me to my point…" _

_He reached picked up a videotape and crammed it into the VCR and pressed play. A video of Iron Fist's previous gig at a rock n' roll bar called "Ronny Rude's Rock n' Roll Tavern" shown brightly on the television screen. _

"_Watch." The singer commanded. _

_The tape was starting in mid-gig. The camera zoomed in on Christian who began to play after being led in by his brother and drummer, Craig. It showed Christian playing, but the rest of the band stopped and stared at him. Van Helsing stood up and violently pushed the "stop" button on the VCR as the crowd began to boo. _

"_That was the wrong song Christian…" _

"_Ah, yeah…" Christian chuckled, "Sorry 'bout that guys, boy was my face red!" _

_Van Helsing snorted and looked away._

"_That's not all!" spat his brother, who stood up and pushed fast forward on the VCR. _

_The tape then showed footage of him tripping over the microphone and amplifier wires in mid-song, falling flat on his face to a chorus of laughs and boos from the audience. _

_Christian chuckled at himself again and sighed. _

"_Damn! I sure was off that night! Yep, I've certainly had better gigs, eh?" _

_Van Helsing pounded the table in front of him. _

"_Do you have anything to say in your defense, Christian?" Van Helsing hissed._

"_Uh… sorry guys, it won't happen again." _

"_DAMN STRAIGHT IT WON'T!" Van Helsing yelled._

_The young Canuck winced as the screaming continued. _

"_Failure is not tolerated you are no longer in Iron Fist…" Van Helsing seethed, "Get out. You are dead to us." _

"_O-Ok…" the Canadian stuttered. _

_And so, he left as the others spat and cursed at him, putting him out in the rain… _

The pickup slowly sputtered as he turned the key in the ignition. He left the factory, and drove shamefully back to his apartment. As he neared a stop sign, something caught his eye. A large, white poster board hung to the sign, which read "MUSICIANS WANTED"

He abruptly pulled over and ripped down the poster board to read it. In large, sloppy letters, the sign read:

Bassists and lead singers wanted in order to complete the best up-and-coming metal band around: "EDTALLICA". If you have talent that has gone to waste up to this point, this is your big chance to put it to use! Auditions start tomorrow at 2:00. Come to 475 Peach Creek Court ready to play. We'll be waiting!

A smile stretched across Christians face.

"You know, I think it's about time Iron Fist got taken down a peg…" he muttered to himself. He tucked the sign under his arm and finished his drive home.

Once he got home, Christian looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like the bassist in Iron Fist should look. Thick circles of eyeliner massed on his face, perfectly complimenting his obviously dyed black hair. He would normally be content with the ghostly look, but he couldn't be that guy in the mirror any longer. He violently washed his hair several times to eliminate the black color, allowing his platinum blonde hair to freely shine once more. The removed the mascara and eyeliner, making his face look normal and friendly, instead of satanic and cruel.

He picked up the sign again and put on a smug smile. So what if he wasn't in Iron Fist anymore? That Goth-metal shit wasn't his thing anyway. He'd rather play covers in a song-less band than sing satanic hymns like Iron Fist did.

Tomorrow would be a new day, with a new band. All he had to do was make sure that he nailed the audition. Noticing the clock was blinking 11:30; the Canadian warily plopped onto his small cot. He had one final thought as he closed his eyes.

_Iron Fist is dead to me…._

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A/N: Well, here's the closest thing to angst in this story so far. I just made Christian a Canadian for kicks, in case you were wondering. I know it wasn't much, but like I said before, it'll get angsty, I promise. Until next time, you know the drill.


	4. Completion

Disclaimer: I still don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy nor do I have anything to do with Pantera, Metallica, any other band I mention in this chapter. I also don't own the songs "Heresy" by Pantera, "Helpless" by Diamond Head, and "Battery" by Metallica.

Claimer: I _do_ own the character, Christian, though.

Belgie here, with yet another installment of "Edtallica." The POV changes in this chapter from Christian to Eddy and the Eds, just so you know.

This chapter is dedicated to "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott and other innocent souls that were taken in the Damageplan concert shooting on Wednesday, December 8th, 2004.

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Chapter 4: Completion

Christian's eyes snapped open that morning. He didn't care that it was only 10:00; he wanted to get a head start on the day of his "rebirth". He threw on a faded pair of black jeans and a Pantera t-shirt, then picked up his jet-black Fender bass and began to think of what songs he should play at his audition.

Christian was going to audition for both the lead singer _and_ bassist openings, so he'd have to pick songs that would show off his singing capabilities as well as his bass playing. He was confident that he could sing just as good as he could play bass, after all, he got to sing backing vocals with Van Helsing on a few songs when he was still in Iron Fist.

The Canadian decided to test his singing abilities by screeching the chorus of "Heresy" by Pantera. He cleared his throat and tried to scream the words to the best of his ability.

No more judgment day 

_Only tranquility_

_Peace signs, Protest lines_

_Mean nothing to me… _

_Honesty_

_Born in me…_

_Heresy-y! _

'It was a little shaky, but still good. ' He thought reassuringly. After deciding "Heresy" was a little too much for him to sing, he played a few Metallica and Diamond Head songs, finding them much easier on his voice.

He decided to play "Helpless" by Diamond Head, "Overkill" by Motorhead, and "Battery" by Metallica for the audition. The Canadian slumped onto his ripped, worn couch, his eyes falling on the sign again.

"Edtallica, eh?" Christian said, looking at the three assorted metal heads in the picture. They looked like the kind of people he'd hang around with; hopefully they were as good a band as they described themselves in their ad. The wall clock chimed three times. 'Better get, goin'…" Christian thought. He left his apartment and walked to his pickup. The car sputtered to start as he started his drive to the address from the sign.

"This is gonna take _forever_ Double D…" Eddy griped.

"C'mon Eddy, be patient, Cliff never said that getting a bassist and a singer would be easy, did he?" Edd replied.

The Metal Eds had spent three hours readying Ed's basement for the auditions, which included cleaning the junk and grime from the floor as well as making signs that directed the musicians to the basement. They finished cleaning just in time to open up the auditions at 3:00, which was a very eventful two hours ago.

"Yeah, but he didn't say that the whole damn cul-de-sac would show up, either!" Eddy snapped, "We had to sit through literally _everybody_ Double D!"

"Very true, but they're also the only people who've auditioned! Since there's no sign of anybody else coming, let's decide who we liked best." Edd declared.

"More like who we hated least…" Eddy muttered.

Eddy looked to Ed, who was lazily strumming his white Fender Stratocaster.

"Hey Mullet! You've got the list, who do we refuse first?" Eddy asked Ed.

Ed looked at Eddy blankly for a few minutes then picked up the list. "Uh… Nazz is on first, Eddy!"

"Pfft. There's an obvious no…" Eddy snorted.

"Why? She has a nice voice…" Edd stated.

"That's exactly why, she has a _nice_ voice, and we're trying to complete Edtallica, not make a hybrid Ashlee Simpson band! Not only that, Ms. Cheerleading captain/ four-year-in-a-row prom queen is about the least metal person _ever. _And don't forget we all got girlfriends who most certainly won't approve. Therefore, Nazz is out." Eddy concluded.

"Gotcha Eddy!" Ed proclaimed as he slashed Nazz's name off the list with a large red marker.

"Uh… Rolf's next!"

"To folksy, he was playing an accordion, for God's sake!" Eddy said.

"Johnny?"

"Baldy couldn't sing for shit, not to mention he's too young _and _he still takes advice from Plank…" Eddy stated.

"Kevin?"

"He's _Kevin_, Ed. Gimme that list there, Mullet." Eddy said, taking the list from Ed.

Eddy went through the list, frantically scratching off every name.

"It's official, everybody sucks!" Eddy moaned, throwing the list in the air, "Why don't we just give up?"

Eddy was about to rant further, but was interrupted by the doorbell.

"ED! GET THE DOOR!" Sarah shrieked from upstairs.

Ed let out an angered sigh as he left his perch and walked up the stairs.

"I'll be back, guys…" he said.

A few minutes later, Ed came bolting down the stairs, laughing his usual simple laugh.

"It was a guy with a bass, Eddy!" Ed proclaimed happily.

"You serious?" Eddy said, snapping out of his rant.

"Uh-huh!"

"Then by all means, send him in, Ed." Edd replied.

"C'mon in, dude!" Ed called up the stairs.

A tall, skinny, blonde guy with a black bass strapped over his shoulder walked into the room.

"Uh, hey guys, sorry I'm late, I had to drive across the Canadian border to get here, which was a bitch traffic wise, then I got lost." The bassist said.

"That's ok, we're going to ask some questions before you begin your audition." Edd said.

"What's your name?" Ed asked

"Christian St. Denis."

"How old are you?" Eddy asked.

"18."

"And you're from Canada, you say?" Edd asked.

"Oh yeah, born, raised, and live today in Toronto, Ontario." Christian said happily.

"You auditioning for bass?" Eddy asked.

"I'm auditioning for both bass and vocals if that's ok with you guys." He answered, "Can I start now?"

"Yeah, sure man, go ahead."

"Ok, first I'm going to play 'Helpless' by Diamond Head." The Canuck responded.

Christian began to play the song as the Eds watched, listened, and banged their heads. Christian's voice sounded like a mixture of early James Hetfield and Axl Rose, Eddy thought. His bass playing was extremely skilled as well, and he was even using his fingers instead of pick! Eddy was immediately impressed.

After Christian finished his songs, all three Eds stood and cheered loudly.

"So, whaddya think, boys?" Christian panted.

"I say you're in the fucking band! Welcome to Edtallica!" Eddy exclaimed.

"Y-you serious?" Christian asked. Never in his musical career had he been invited into a band this quickly.

"Hell yeah, I think I speak for Double D and Ed when I say you're the best we've had all day." Eddy replied.

"Yeah! You rocked!" Ed yelled.

"It was very impressive indeed!" Edd clapped.

The Eds greeted their new band mate with many high-fives and handshakes and gave him their practice schedule before he left.

Christian walked out of the dingy basement, still grinning broadly. His day of rebirth had been great! He then drove north back to his apartment. Iron Fist was behind him now, and he was looking to a hopefully bright and successful future in Edtallica.

Eddy went to bed early that night, happy that Edtallica was finally ready to rock, and rock hard.

"Dad may as well admit defeat now." Eddy mumbled before drifting off to sleep.

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A/N: Chapter 4 ought to tide you over while I write the next chapter. Sorry if it was a little boring. Oh yeah, and sorry about the typos in the last chapter, it won't happen again, hopefully.


	5. Alone

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the characters from Ed Edd n' Eddy or any songs and stuff like that, yada yada yada.

This chapter is my first _real _stab at writing angst stuff, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I've read most of Ghost Helwig's stories, (y'know, the ones where the slash isn't quite as thick) and almost every Ed, Edd, and Eddy story in the angst and tragedy categories, so hopefully I can do it at least half as good as Helwig and everybody else.

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Chapter 5: Alone

"See ya, Double D!" Eddy called to Edd as he left Ed's basement.

Edd grinned, "Goodbye!" he called back to his band mates.

Edd casually walked back to his house, worn out from playing brain-busting solos all day in rehearsal. As he walked up the porch, his grin faded and the content feeling he had just a few seconds earlier seeped out of him as if his soul was being sucked from his body. He stood in front of the door, dreading what would be waiting for him when he entered. Would it be stressed-out parents, or would his dear old mom and dad be leaving on yet another business trip to some city thousands of miles away, leaving their son all alone…

He didn't want to find out what fate the door held for him, but he turned his house key slowly in the lock and opened the door. As he stepped in, he nearly tripped over suitcases and handbags set by the door.

"Ah, so it's the latter, is it?" Edd mouthed at the floor.

"Mom? Dad?" Edd called. Only his echoes replied, leaving Edd confused.

"Surely they're here, I can hardly see the floor on account of their excessive amounts of luggage…" Double D muttered.

"Oh, Eddward, there you are." A deep, drone-like voice proclaimed next to him.

Eddward turned to see his father standing in the next room. His dad was dressed in semi-casual attire, meaning a collared shirt tucked in to some blue jeans that were as out of date as say, Ed's mullet.

"Eddward, dear, you're home." His mother droned from the top of the stairs.

"We're off to the airport now, son." His father said in a now rushed voice, "We have a business trip in Phoenix and we'll be gone a week, maybe more."

"We left money for groceries and the keys to the Jetta on the counter." His mother added, hurriedly grabbing her luggage, "Bye sweetie, kisses…"

Edd sighed as his mother blew him a kiss while they rushed out to his father's Lexus. They closed the door sharply, leaving their boy, once again, all alone…

Another depressed sigh escaped his throat as he walked up the stairs to his room. His room looked the same as it did when he left. Bed tightly made, CDs alphabetized by band name and album title, his model skull freshly dusted, sitting adjacent to the Iron Maiden mascot head that Eddy had given him for his 15th birthday.

"Perhaps some music would lift my spirits…" he sulked while putting in a CD.

While Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast" played, Edd gingerly placed his Telecaster in its stand. He sprawled out onto his bed and heaved yet another sigh. The cold feeling of loneliness crept thorough him. Why did his parents have to be so important? The very question had plagued him since he was four, when his parents left him alone for the first time with a nanny…

"Why are Mommy and Daddy leaving?" he asked the nanny, "Was I a bad boy?"

"Oh, goodness no!" the nanny would always answer, "your mommy and daddy are just going on an important grown-up trip, they'll be back before you know it."

Little Eddward felt better after the nanny gave him this answer, and he was content with it. He didn't give his question another thought until gradually, his parents would keep leaving on "important grown-up trips" almost every month. He would still ask the same question, and the nanny would assure him that his parents weren't leaving because of something he did or said. Eddward wasn't so sure, his mommy and daddy left a lot, and when they did, they were gone for a long time…

"Maybe mommy and daddy will come back if I pick up my toys…" the child said one afternoon.

And pick up his toys he did, but he did not stop there.

"An- and maybe if I make my bed, too…"

Thus began Edd's obsession with cleanliness. All day he would tidy his room to the best of his ability muttering "messy, messy, messy…" under his breath while he did so. He toiled, hoping that maybe, just maybe, his Mommy and Daddy wouldn't leave him if he did.

He would also say his pleases and thank-yous, too in case they were mad at him because he said a "no-no word." Thus creating his mannerly ways.

Years past, the nanny left, and Edd would be alone for days every month. He then knew that his parents left because they were important members of their business, causing them to be workaholics, and he accepted that, but when they left, he would still clean his room, muttering "messy, messy, messy…"

Tears welled up in Edd's eyes as he recalled his basically parentless childhood. He looked around his spotless room again.

"_This_ is what I've done my whole life?" he sobbed angrily, "Scrubbing, dusting alphabetizing… Eddy's been right this whole time, I am a freak!"

"BUT NO MORE!" he yelled.

He unmade his bed and ripped off the labels on his possessions. He then frantically mismatched every one of his CDs, so they were eclectic and unorganized.

Hot tears continued to stream down his face as he stormed down the stairs, slanting pictures on the wall and making everything well… Messy, messy, messy…

His rave of independence stopped in the kitchen. His eyes were red and puffy, and he was breathing heavily like an angered beast. His eyes then spied something odd. The liquor cabinet that was usually shut and locked tight was standing open. Edd walked towards it and grabbed a bottle of his father's favorite scotch. He smugly grinned as he unscrewed the cap. He knew he shouldn't, he was underage, and surely his father would notice… but he didn't care, he could always get Christian to bring another bottle across the boarder.

He drank deep until the bottle was empty, wanting to make every memory of his childhood disappear…

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A/N: Well, there you have it, my stab at angst. Well, 'til next time, read and review.


	6. Relapse

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character, Christian.  
This chapter will have even _more _angst and alcohol consumption! YAY…I guess… Just a quick heads up, this chapter switches POV, but you'll be able to tell when it does. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 6: 

"Oh, my head…" Edd moaned, "What the hell did I do last night?"

He stumbled to his feet and tried to recall what happened the night before.

Edd cringed. "My mouth tastes like vomit…"

As he took a few steps towards the hall, he heard a dull, hollow, -clink-.

"Strange…"

A scotch bottle was on the floor in front of him, bringing back every memory of his rave of independence the night before, where he downed his father's scotch…and half a six-pack of beer afterward. He slowly wended his way up the stairs to wash out his mouth, take an aspirin, and change clothes. Then he'd have some cleaning to do…

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"Where the hell's Double D? It's like, two o'clock and he ain't here yet!" Eddy yelled impatiently.

"Maybe the little bastard's asleep, Eddy!" Ed replied simply.

"_Asleep? _It's two o' clock, Mullet, no human could possibly be asleep now!" Eddy ranted.

Before Eddy could continue to rant, a high-pitched, ring tone of "Doctor Feel Good" rang from Eddy's pocket.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Eddy, it's Christian!" a familiar voice answered.

" Oh, hey man, what's up?"

" Well, I know it may seem a little soon, but I just scored us a gig at a bar up here in Toronto." Christian replied.

"You serious?" Eddy asked excitedly.

"Why would I lie to you about something like this? I'm on my way down there right now to bring you up here to see it, so get the guys together. Oh! An' tell 'em to bring some ID with 'em, the border police are real strict." Christian concluded.

"Ok, see you then!" Eddy said, hanging up.

"Who was it, Eddy?" Ed asked.

"Christian scored us a gig, he's coming down, we've got to find Double D right now!" Eddy answered while bolting out of Ed's basement.

"Wait for me, Eddy!" Ed called.

Ed and Eddy frantically jogged to Double D's house, asking people if they had seen them along the way.

"Hiya, Rolf!" Ed called to their foreign friend.

"Ah, yes, greetings 1985-was-a-long-time-ago Ed boy! And hello to you, too, Uses-enough-Aquanet-to-drown-a-whale Ed boy! Ah, but where is He-who-has-hair-like woman Ed boy?" Rolf inquired.

"That's just it, we don't know, have you seen him?" Eddy asked.

Rolf scratched his chin, which was now covered with a full beard, before answering. "Rolf has not seen him in a goat's age! Sorry Ed boys."

Eddy breathed a frustrated sigh, grabbed Ed, and continued towards their friend's house.

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Edd looked at himself in the mirror. He managed to clean himself and most of the house pretty well in forty-five minutes. All of that aside, he still looked awful. After brushing his teeth several times and using half a bottle of Listerine, the vomit aftertaste was gone, but his eyes were still extremely bloodshot.

"Very well, I'll just cover them up…" he muttered to himself.

He went to his room and rooted through one of his drawers until he found his sunglasses. They were sort of square-shaped, like the kind that people wore in the 80s. He, Ed and Eddy had each bought a pair to wear to Nazz's party that they were actually invited to as a joke. Nazz gave them the usual girlish giggle and "You're funny" remark, so things seemed to be going well. However, Eddy tampered with the music by replacing the primarily R&B and rap tracks with Motley Crue, Def Leppard, and Poison. Ed then got a little too excited and began to dance, accidentally smashing several breakable items while doing so. Therefore, they were "asked" to leave, meaning Kevin literally threw them out by their hair, calling the Eds every insult under the sun for wrecking his girlfriend's party.

Edd smiled at the memory and put the shades on. He was taken out of memory lane by several rings from the doorbell, shortly followed by overzealous pounds on the door.

"Hey Double D! Open up!"

"Just a second, guys!" Edd called down the stairs, making sure he looked presentable.

Edd opened the door to let his friends in.

"Jeez, Double D, where were ya?" Eddy asked, "Well, that don't matter now, grab your driver's license, Christian scored us a gig in Canada, so he's taking us up there."

"A gig? It's a little soon don't you think? We haven't even written any songs yet…" Edd replied.

"Don't worry about it, we'll just play some covers, it'll be fine." Eddy answered.

"Nice glasses, Double D!" Ed laughed.

"Pfft. Dude, we haven't worn those things since the party incident!" Eddy cackled, "Why're ya wearin' those?"

"Uh… just to see if you guys remembered them." Edd said, trying to sound convincing.

As the Eds proceeded to listen to music and recall memories from that eventful, image-destroying party, the sound of a car horn came from outside.

"Christian's here, guys!" Ed called from the window.

The Eds went outside and squeezed themselves into the small backseat of Christian's truck and drove northward towards Canada.

Christian looked back at his friends and chuckled.  
"I like yer shades there, Double D, circa 1986, eh?"

"Yeah, probably." Double D answered.

The Eds then told their Canadian friend the history of the twenty year-old shades on the way to Canada, which was a horribly long drive with all the traffic. After showing their Driver's licenses to the border police and going through a "quick" car search, Edtallica finally made it to the "Five-Hole Tavern."

"Here it is boys, the ol' hockey bar. Too bad it's not hockey season, or else we'd be getting a bigger crowd once the gig rolls around." Christian proclaimed.

They entered the bar, which was covered with neon Labat Blue logos and various Toronto Maple Leafs shrines. Soon, a tall man in a hockey jersey approached them.

"Hey Christian, you made it!" the man called.

"Oh, hey there, Pierre, this the band I joined that I told you about earlier."

"Ah, so this is 'Edtallica', eh? Good to meetcha, boys. Now if you'll follow me to my office, I've got a couple questions for you guys." Pierre said.

Once they stepped in to Pierre's office, he asked them things about their play list, then gave them the run-down on where the stage would be set up and what equipment they'd need to bring with them.

"Well, that went well." Eddy stated.

"Shouldn't we have to audition first?" Edd asked.

"Naw, Pierre needed a band for next Saturday so bad, he didn't care who it was." Christian answered, "That and I know the guy."

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Christian pulled his truck to a stop outside Double D's house.

"See ya tomorrow, guys!" Christian called.

"Later, Christian!" the Eds replied.

Double D went back into his house and sprawled out on his couch. Today was an ok day, but it was a long day of rehearsal tomorrow…

He looked over and saw that a message was on the answering machine.

"Probably mother and father calling to say that they'll be gone another week…" Edd muttered, pushing the play button on the machine.

"Saturday, June 12th, 4:15 PM" the machine droned. Edd listened and was surprised to hear his girlfriend's voice on the recording.

"Hey Double D, it's Kayliegh, um… could you call me back when you get home, it's important, bye."

"What could Kayliegh possibly want to talk about?" Edd wondered, "Oh well, she said it was important…"

The guitarist picked up his phone and dialed Kayliegh's number. It rang three times before she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kayliegh, it's me. I got your message, what did you want to talk about?" Edd asked.

He could hear her sighing over the phone.

"I…I think we should see other people…"

"What? Why?"

"I, I just think it would be best if we did. I mean… I'm going away for college in fall you've got your band… A long distance relationship would be too hard on us." She sounded as if she was crying…

"Yes… I see, you're right, that would be best…"

"Yeah, but we could still be friends…"

"Yeah…" Edd answered, tears seeping from his eyes.

"You'll be fine, I know you will…."

Double D sighed and continued to listen.

"So, I guess this is goodbye…" she said.

"Yeah…"

"Bye Double D…"

"Bye…"

The dial tone echoed in Edd's ears as he hung up. He went to the kitchen to get a soda to cheer himself up. He opened the refrigerator and began to reach for a Mountain Dew, when he saw the three cans of Hieneken that he didn't drink in his independence rave from the night before.

The can of beer seemed to beckon to him: "C'mon Double D, just one drink, you want to forget about what just happened don't you?"

"Y-yes…" Edd replied, reaching for the beer.

He popped it open, and began to drink…

That's it, drink and forget… the voice said.

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A/N: In case you're wondering, I don't have anything against Double D. It was just easiest to write angst with him. Oh yeah, and to my knowledge, there is no "5-Hole Tavern" in Toronto, just to clear that up. So, read and review while I work on the next chapter.


	7. Another Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, or any other character from that show, blah blah blah.... I also don't have anything to do with any band or song mentioned, yadda yadda yadda... The character Christian's mine, though!

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Chapter 7: Another Day

"C'mon, c'mon…" Eddy mumbled impatiently.

The drummer impatiently glanced at his watch again.

"He's never this late, where the hell _is_ he?" Eddy complained.

"Aw c'mon, Eddy. He's only what, fifteen minutes late?" Christian said.

"Yeah, but _you_ got here before him, and you've had to drive like, two hours to get here! He lives right across the street and he ain't here yet!" Eddy replied.

"Maybe the teen-pop divas abducted Double D from his house to take him to their headquarters, make him listen to top-ten pop anthems until he is sedated and brainwashed, _then_ they will give him an acoustic guitar and cut his hair like _Ryan Cabrera's!" _Ed blurted.

"The hell did _that_ outburst come from?" Christian asked Eddy, scratching his head.

Before Eddy could respond, Ed spoke again.

"It happened to me in a dream, Christian!" Ed answered with a serious tone in his voice, "Come, my friends, we must save our comrade, before he becomes pop-ifide!"

Ed clutched his guitar like a bayoneted rifle and bellowed a battle cry as he charged up the stairs.

"ED!! _KEEP IT DOWN OR I'LL TELL MOM!" _Sarah screeched from upstairs.

Eddy slapped his forehead with his hand and groaned. He could have sworn Ed was over doing stuff like that…

"Well, he's fired up. Let's follow ol' Mullet before he hurts somebody…" Eddy groaned, motioning for Christian to follow him.

"Hurts somebody?" Christian questioned as he followed Eddy up the stairs.

"Yep. Any innocent bystander dumb enough to get in his way'll become a 'demon teen-pop diva' ready to get whacked by his guitar." Eddy explained, "But hey, he's on his way to Double D's house, so at least we can get to rehearsing when this is over with."

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Edd fell back on his bed and let out a satisfied sigh. He had just finished writing a song, which had taken him all morning to complete. It was a three-part song, that he called "Denial, Anger, Acceptance…" which he was inspired to write only a few hours after his fateful phone conversation had ended.

"Hard to believe that _I'm _the first one in the band to write a song," Edd muttered to himself, "Even if part of it _was_ written in a drunken rage…"

That brought a thought to his head. Should he present his creation to his band mates?

Ed surely wouldn't understand the emotion the song brought to the table, but he may think that the rhythm part in the "Anger" section that he had written for him would be cool. Christian would probably like it, but it wouldn't mean anything if his new friend sang the lyrics that _he_ put together. Then there was Eddy… Depending on what mood his ornery friend was in would determine what he thought of it, but there was no doubt in Edd's mind that Eddy would dub at least the first and third portions of his masterpiece "un-metal" or "reeking of suckitude"…

"It's probably best that I keep my song a secret for the time being…" Edd said to himself.

With that decided, he rolled over and glanced at his clock. The red digital numbers read 12:30. _12:30?! _

"Curse my creative ways!" Edd yelled as he grabbed his guitar and frantically made his way towards the door.

As he opened the door, he heard pounding footsteps and loud, incoherent yelling from outside. Edd opened his door just in time to see Ed charging his house.

"I'll save you Double D! YAAAAA!!!" His friend bellowed.

"Ed, what are you talking about?" Edd asked as he stopped his friend's charge.

Ed gasped and gave Edd a bear hug "Double D! Thank Danzig you're all right! I thought for sure that the evil teen-pop divas had already gotten you!"

"Uh… yes it's all right Ed, I'm ok…" Edd answered his friend.

"He's ok, guys!" Ed called back to Eddy and Christian, who looked tremendously confused.

"Whoopdeedoo, Ed…" Eddy muttered sarcastically, "Now can we get to rehearsal already?"

"I'd be happy to, Eddy." Edd answered.

"So… that happens a lot, eh?" Christian asked again as they walked down the stairs to Ed's basement.

"More times than I'd care to tell about…" Edd answered, "I thought that he had his overactive imagination under control in eight grade…"

"What kept ya, anyway?" Eddy asked him as he took his place behind his drums.

"I was… cleaning!" Edd quickly fibbed.

"Well clean on your own time, we've got a gig to prepare for, remember?" Eddy replied.

-------------------------------------------------

"Ok… so we're starting off with 'Battery', then going into 'Godzilla', then we launch into two The Misfits songs, then 'Tom Sawyer'?" Eddy asked.

"Hey, the gig's in Canada, we'll get run out of the country if we don't play some Rush stuff…" Christian replied.

"Ok, ok, then we play 'Wasting my Hate' and slow things down with 'Hero of the Day' and finally, if we have time, we play 'Helpless'."

"That's the plan," Christian replied, "You guys have any objections with the play list for Saturday?"

" I don't see any problems." Eddy replied.

"As long as we play 'Godzilla' I'm happy!" Ed proclaimed.

"I don't have any objections, either." Edd answered.

"Ok, that should do it then, guys, we'll get together again tomorrow." Eddy concluded.

Sighs of relief went through the musty basement as the band put away their equipment.

Christian patted Edd on the back. "Nice job today, man." The Canadian complimented his friend.

"Yeah, somebody sure was oddly focused this afternoon!" Ed proclaimed.

"Thanks guys." Edd answered.

"Well, see ya tomorrow, boys!" Christian called to his band mates.

As Christian loaded his bass in the truck, Edd approached him.

"Hey there, Double D, what can I do for ya?" Christian enquired.

" Um… if it's not too much to ask, could you pick up these things for me and bring them to my house?" Edd asked as he handed Christian a piece of paper.

"Large bottle of imported scotch, six pack of Heineken, and a twelve pack of _raspberry wine coolers_? Dude, what're ya doin', hosting a small yuppie frat party?" Christian asked his friend.

"Well, actually, those are all the things _I've_ drank over the past few days…" Edd replied

"_You_ drank that much? I always thought you were pretty uptight for a metal guitar player of your magnitude, but man, was I wrong! That's enough liquor to choke a whale!" Christian exclaimed.

"No, that's not the case at all…" Edd answered.

"Then how come you need all the booze, man?" Christian asked.

Christian then heard the story of the guitar player's independence rave where he downed the scotch and half a six-pack of beer and the break-up story where Edd downed the rest of the beer and wine coolers.

" So I have to replace all of the alcoholic beverages before my mom and dad get home. I just figured that you'd be able to get them because you're old enough to drink since you're in Canada…" Edd concluded.

"Yeah sure, I can pick these up. Good thing my cousin Bernie's a border patrol officer, I could probably persuade him to let me across with the drinks." Christian answered, "I'll bring 'em to your place tomorrow before rehearsal, ok?"

"Ok, thanks." Edd answered as he left for his house.

As Christian drove, he thought about the task he had to complete. It should be easy enough, Bernie owed him a favor, anyway. Then it came to him.

"So _that's _why he was late today, he must've been cleaning himself up…" The Canadian said to himself, " And that's why he wore those sunglasses, too! His eyes must've been way bloodshot after his little raves!"

"Ok, Ok, I'll get him the drinks, hopefully he won't drink 'em himself this time…" Christian decided.

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A/N: Well, there you go. Christian's becoming an unknowing enabler and Edd's beginning to have a long involved fight with the bottle, ain't that a kick in the teeth? Sorry if this chapter was a little boring, but it had to be done, I couldn't really just magically zoom straight to the gig, but that will come very soon, I promise.

'til next time, read and review!


	8. Smokes, Drunks, and Rock n' Roll

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy. I also don't get any money from any of the songs or bands mentioned, 'cause if I did I'd probably be filthy rich right now. I only own my character, Christian.

Now that the annoying disclaimer rambling's over, I can get on to chapter 8!

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Chapter 8: Smoke, Drunks, and Rock n' Roll

"Ed! Wake up, you idiot!"

"Huh?"

Ed lazily slid his eyes open, noticing Eddy standing beside him, tapping his foot and glaring impatiently at him.

"Oh, hiya Eddy!" Ed greeted his friend.

"Yeah, hey Ed. C'mon Mullet, you gotta help me move my drums down here before the others show up." Eddy said.

Ed nodded and rolled out of bed to help his friend move his percussion equipment down the stairs. 'The Mulleted One' had been practicing for the gig nonstop both during and after rehearsals, making sure he could play all the songs to perfection. The excitement of the gig at the 5-hole Tavern, which was now only a day away, had kept him awake as well, which was why Eddy had to wake him.

"Hey Ed, check this out." Eddy said, shoving a piece of paper in Ed's face, "I made us some fliers to hang up around the neighborhood to advertise for our gig tomorrow."

Ed studied the paper slowly. The words "Come one, Come all" were typed across the top of the page with huge, tacky word art letters. Underneath the word art, Eddy had typed a small blurb:

_Tomorrow night at 9:00, the best damn metal band in the 'sac, EDTALLICA, will be putting on a show at the 5-hole Tavern in Toronto, Ontario. All are welcome…for a nominal fee of $6.00. Don't miss out on the historical first show, come bang your 'eds with EDTALLICA. _

"So what do ya think, Mullet?" Eddy questioned.

"It's pretty cool Eddy, except uh…"

"Except what?" The drummer griped.

"The writing's all small, you don't give directions on how to get to the tavern, and there should probably be a picture of us on it." Ed commented.

"Says you," Eddy scoffed, "Besides, we don't have any pictures to put on the flier even if we wanted to."

"Oh! We could take some with Double D's mom's fancy camera!" Ed exclaimed.

"Ok, ok, fine." Eddy agreed, "Let's just wait 'til Christian and 'Eddward the Great' show up, then we'll take some band shots for the fliers…"

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The phone blurted out its usual high-pitched chime next to Edd.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, hey Double D, it's me."

"Don't worry Eddy, I'm on my way over right now-"

"That's not why I called, dude. Does your mom still have that really good camera?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You think we could use it to get some shots of the band for some fliers and stuff?"

"Yeah I guess, but it'll require somebody else to use the camera if we want all four of us in the shot. Got any ideas on who we could get to take them?"

"Damn! I didn't think of that… um…" Eddy trailed.

"Hiya Christian!" Ed's muffled voice came from the background.

"Why don't you just come over, we'll talk about it then, the gang's all here." Eddy concluded.

"Ok, I'll see you then." Edd stated.

Edd marched up the stairs to his parents' room. When he was younger, it was forbidden to even think of possibly entering his mother and father's chambers, but now it didn't matter. He was 'Eddward the Great' and damn it, he did what he wanted. He rooted through the closet, pushing aside photo albums and even the ancestral fruitcake in search of his mother's camera.

After a few more minutes of tedious searching, he finally found the black carrying case that held the coveted three hundred dollar camera. Slinging his guitar over his shoulder and picking up the camera case, he walked down the stairs and out the door.

---------------------------------------------

"_Come one, Come all?" _Christian said, holding back laughter, "_Bang your 'eds?" _

The Canuck proceeded to laugh a little at the poster that his friend sloppily threw together.

"Dude, we're playing some covers at a hockey bar, not shooting Ed out of a cannon under a big top circus tent!" Christian laughed, "And playing off the name? That's so damn cheesy! Sure it works, but c'mon, dude…"

"_Fine_ I'll admit, it was pretty bad, but at least I was on the right track." Eddy replied, "We're gonna make it better as soon as Double D shows up with the camera."

"Hey guys." Edd greeted as he came into the room.

"Hey Double D," Eddy greeted, "Don't suppose you got any ideas on who could take our pictures?"

"Sorry Eddy, I'm coming up empty on it, too." The guitarist admitted.

"Hey Ed, you think Sarah would take 'em for us?" Edd asked.

"Naw, Sarah hates us, she'll either smash the camera or take some crappy pictures." Ed replied.

"Nazz?" Christian suggested.

"Pfft. No, she's probably still pissed at us for giving the lead singer gig to you. Even if she's not, she'll probably turn on the sex switch and try to flirt her way into weaseling you out of it, the damn floozy." Eddy muttered.

"Well Johnny obviously wouldn't have the attention span to do the job…" Edd stated, "and Rolf is probably working in the fields or something."

"What about Kevin?" Ed asked.

"He's _Kevin,_ Ed." Eddy replied, "He'd probably do the same thing Nazz would, except he'd hurt us instead of flirting."

"Then that leaves Jimmy." Edd concluded.

"Hmm… I guess he'll have to do. He doesn't hate us, and he takes pictures for his school's year book, doesn't he?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah, that's true, he does!" Edd confirmed, "Well, that's good enough for me, Jimmy it is, then."

While they searched for Jimmy, Christian consoled them on posing for pictures.

"For pictures, we all have to have a shtick to make the pictures look cooler." Christian said.

"What's a shtick?" Ed asked.

"Y'know, it's the image we give off in the pictures and on stage, too." Christian lectured, "For instance, back when I was in Iron Fist, I'd do something like this."

Christian put his index fingers on the sides of his head like devil horns and stuck out his tongue.

"Wait, hold on a sec, you were in _Iron Fist?!" _Eddy asked.

"Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? They kicked me out for messing up at a gig, so that's how I came to be with you guys in Edtallica. That's a pretty big skeleton in the ol' closet, eh?" Christian replied.

"Oh…" Eddy said, nodding.

"So anyway, I guess I'm the semi-satanic one by default." Christian concluded, "It's up to you guys what your images are."

"Hey look, it's Jimmy!" Ed proclaimed.

They approached the now 15-year-old Jimmy, who was painting a picture in his backyard. Jimmy wasn't as effeminate as he used to be, so the rainbows and shoulder pads disappeared around the time the Eds went metal. He was now very artsy and dramatic. He took several art classes outside school and was also very involved in his middle school's drama club. Sure, the drama club at Peach Creek Junior High wasn't even worth wasting the breath needed to talk about it, but Jimmy persevered and soldiered his way through three years of small budgets and childish shows.

"Good afternoon, Jimmy." Edd greeted casually.

"Oh! Hi guys, how may I help you?" Jimmy asked.

"Well, see it's like this, Shakespeare," Eddy explained, "Tomorrow we've got a gig, and we want to advertise for it."

"And…" Jimmy said, raising an eyebrow.

"And, we need some cool shots of the band so we can put 'em on fliers and posters and stuff," Eddy continued, "We've got the equipment, now we just need the expert, and since you're the only photographer around that has an idea of what he's doing, we were wondering if you'd use our camera and take those shots. What do ya say?"

The band leaned forward in anticipation as Jimmy scratched his chin and thought.

"Sure, I guess I could do that. I have to wait for this part of the painting to dry, anyway." Jimmy answered.

"Thanks, Jimmy! Tell ya what; just for doing this for us, we'll put you on the guest list for the show, fr-half price! Double D 'll even give you a ride up there in his mom's Jetta!" Eddy exclaimed.

"Don't forget to bring some form of ID for the border patrol!" Christian added.

"Gee guys, uh… thanks. Let's get to those photos, shall we?" Jimmy stated.

After showing Jimmy the camera, Jimmy began to lead the band down the road.

"I figured since you guys are probably going for the bad-ass heavy metal look, that we'd take the photos in an alley or something." Jimmy suggested.

Jimmy led them to an alley just outside the candy store where the Eds spent nearly all of their income when they were younger.

"Stand up against that wall while I get this thing set up." Jimmy instructed.

The band stood up against the wall while Jimmy attached the camera to the tripod and fiddled with the camera's angle before studying the sunlight coming into the alley for a few minutes.

"Ok, I've got everything ready to go," Jimmy declared.

The guys stood in the order of Ed, Edd, Christian, and last but not least, Eddy bringing up the end.

"Alright, mug for me, boys!" Jimmy called from behind the camera.

Christian did his devil face like he did earlier. Next to him, Eddy crossed his arms in front of him and formed a heavy metal salute with his hands. Edd slouched and tried to look tough. Ed did what came naturally. He put on a big, simple smile and folded his arms. Jimmy took several shots, asking them to pose differently every now and again.

"Ok guys, that's it, I'm out of film." Jimmy stated, "Do you want to go back to my house and get 'em developed?"

They returned to Jimmy's house and went into the darkroom in his basement. After the five of them squeezed through the door, Jimmy flicked the light switch, sending an eerie red glow through the room. Jimmy then began to dip the undeveloped photos in the solution and hang them on a wire to dry. After an hour, the pictures were finally developed.

"Thanks again, Rembrandt." Eddy said, slapping Jimmy on the back as he left.

Christian slipped Jimmy three Canadian dollars before leaving.

"Here's a little something for your trouble. That ought to be enough to cover the entrance fee at Eddy's discount." The Canadian said.

Once they left Jimmy's basement, they went to Edd's house to write better, less cheesy fliers with directions to the tavern printed on them. They spent the rest of the day taping them around the cul-de-sac and other places where people would see them.

"Well, that's probably enough for today boys." Eddy said.

"Those fliers should help expand the audience a little," Christian said as he walked towards his truck, "Even if they don't there're probably going to be the tavern regulars or something."

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"Hmm? What's this?"

Nazz tore the sheet of paper from the lamppost she was near. The blonde quickly scanned the paper. _EDTALLICA_ was written across the top in obviously hand drawn letters.

"What're you looking at Nazz?"

Kevin peeked over his girlfriend's shoulder to see what was so fascinating.

"Looks like the Eds got a gig somewhere." Nazz stated.

Kevin sighed, he could see where this was going, and he didn't like it one bit.

"You don't actually want to _go, _do you?" Kevin questioned, "They refused _your _perfect voice and good looks just to hire some Canadian jack-off!"

"I know, Kev. I just want to see if they're any good, that's all."

"But-" Kevin began to interject.

The blonde then put on what the Eds (who had seen Kevin get whipped by this face several times before) called the "kicked puppy" face.

"Fine, we'll go. But only 'cause I want to see what makes that damned Canuck so great…" Kevin mumbled.

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"_Eddy, can you hear me, kid?" _

"_Cliff? Is that you?" _

"_Yep, it's me. You've come pretty far over the past couple weeks, dude. Nice job! Do you have the pre-gig jitters yet?" _

"_A little bit, yeah." _

"_Heh, those'll pass soon enough. I just came to give you a little pep talk before you get to your gig. It's important that you and the boys put on a kick-ass show tomorrow, even if it is just for some drunk-off-their-ass Ontarians." _

"_Don't worry, we've been practicing ourselves ragged since Christian made the gig, we'll be fine." _

"_You should be, half of your play list's covers from my old band! I'll see you after the gig tomorrow." _

"_Hey Cliff, could I ask you something?" _

"_I guess."_

"_Do you visit Ed, Double D, and Christian, too?" _

"_I don't, other guys do, kid. Dimebag Darrel's giving Ed this same pep talk right now." _

"_Oh…" _

"_Well, good luck out there tonight, junior." _

"_Thanks, Cliff." _

The alarm buzzed loudly to snap Eddy from his slumber. He lazily rolled out of bed and sleepily walked towards the bathroom to shower and get ready for the gig. The pre-gig jitters were seriously taking their toll on him, he was so nervous he felt sick.

"Pfft. If I'm this nervous now, I'm probably gonna chuck biscuits when we get on stage tonight…" Eddy muttered to himself as he threw on his old Motley Crue concert shirt. As he walked over to his mirror to put Aquanet in his hair, his cell phone rang.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Eddy it's me, Christian."

"Oh hey man, why you callin' so early?"

"Just wanted to tell you that I'm coming down there in a few hours to help carry the guitars and stuff."

"Ok…"

"Oh yeah, and don't put Aquanet in your hair until just before the gig, you'll want it to last you through the show."

"Fine… I'll see you later."

"Bye!"

"May as well hang out with Ed and Double D." Eddy groaned. The clock read 10:45, meaning it had only been forty-five minutes since he woke up, and even that time had seemed to crawl by.

"Hiya, Eddy!" Ed greeted.

"Hi Ed." Eddy said as he flopped down in the tacky purple couch.

"You'll never guess what I dreamt last night, guys!" Ed exclaimed, "The ghost of Dimebag Darrel came to me in a dream and wished us luck for tonight! Pretty weird, huh?"

"Whoa, I had the same dream, Ed." Edd said in an amazed tone, "Except it was Steve Clark that came to me."

"You mean the lead guitar guy from Def Leppard that died from mixing pills with alcohol?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah, he gave me a pep-talk, and before he left he told me to watch myself, 'cause the bottle's got more power than one would think…" The guitarist answered.

"Well that's weird," Eddy stated, "Why would he talk to you about the dangers of drinking? The only remotely harmful thing you drink is Mountain Dew."

"Uh… yes of course…" Edd said.

Eddy looked at the small clock on Ed's wall, it was only 11:00.

"Jeez, this sucks!" Eddy yelled, "This is like waiting for death or something!"

"Yeah, time's sure taking its time in passing." Ed stated plainly as he lazily strummed a few power chords on his guitar.

Eddy listened to Ed play the same few chords over and over again. He was about to open his mouth to tell Ed to stop, but changed his mind.

"Hey Ed, play those chords again." Eddy said, sitting up in the couch.

"You mean the ones I just played?" Ed inquired.

"Yeah, play 'em again."

Ed nodded and played the low-tuned chords once more. As Ed busied himself in playing his unintentional riff, Eddy sat behind his drum kit and began to play a fast beat full of fills and symbol crashes.

Edd shrugged and plugged in his guitar to join in. He started by just playing Ed's riff an octave higher. Soon, Ed and Eddy began to change things up a bit, so Edd did too by putting a solo together on the fly, like all of his guitar heroes did.

They became so into their new song in the making that they didn't notice Christian walk into the room.

"Hey guys, saw your little session there, that was _freakin' awesome!_ We should play it again once we get to the tavern!" Christian exclaimed.

"Dude, we don't even have a name for this thing yet." Eddy stated.

"Like I said, we can work on it when we get to the tavern during sound check, now c'mon boys, let's go!" Christian said.

After loading Eddy's drums into Christian's pickup and loading the guitars into the Jetta, the band divided into carpools. Eddy decided to ride shotgun with Christian to insure the safety of his equipment, leaving the guitarists and Jimmy in the shamefully dorky Jetta.

For most of the ride over, Eddy and Christian listened to CDs from the vast heavy metal library that was in Christian's CD cases. They also threw around names for the new song.

"How 'bout _Die Death to the Fullest?" _Eddy suggested.

"I like it, but it doesn't fit Ed's riff very well," Christian said, "Um… let's see, it sounds kind of punk metal-ish, how 'bout _Apocalypse _or something like that? You know, just to be a little ironic."

"I guess that could work," Eddy replied, "We'll take it up with Mullet and Double D when we get there."

Christian chuckled. "Speaking of those dingbats, what do you figure they're doing to little drama-boy in there?"

"Corrupting his tiny artistic mind, what else?" Eddy cackled, "If Jimmy thinks he can convince Ed to play some of his wacky Sitar music instead of Blue Oyster Cult, he's got another thing comin'!"

After a few more hours of driving and yet another car search, Eddy and Christian made it to the 5-Hole Tavern, with the little white Jetta coming in closely behind them. They stepped out of the truck to greet their friends.

"Hey guys, how was your drive?" Christian asked.

"Yeah, you didn't hurt Jimmy did you?" Eddy questioned, holding back laughter.

"I turned Jimmy into a BOC fan in less than forty minutes!" Ed stated proudly.

"Is it true Jimmy?" Eddy asked

The teenager nodded happily and formed the two-fingered heavy metal salute for seemingly the first time. "Blue Oyster Cult rocks, Eddy!"

The five then walked into the empty tavern, where Pierre, who was clad in his blue Maple Leafs jersey, greeted them and guided them to the small stage.

"We've already got your mics and amps set up, guys." Pierre said, "So once you get your drums set up, you can get to practicing."

"Thanks, Pierre," Christian nodded towards Jimmy, "You think you could hang around with the kid for a while, y'know, give him lunch and a Labat or something…"

"Sure thing," Pierre answered, "but this is going on _your_ tab."

The band then carried Eddy's drums out of the truck bed and set them towards the back of the stage, between the two decently sized Marshall amp stacks. From there they ran through the play list, making a few changes in the order of the songs. They also worked on _Apocalypse_ for a while, adding a little more structure to it before stopping for a lunch break, where Christian worked on the punk rock-ish lyrics.

After showing his lyrics to the rest of the band, and even Jimmy, who deemed them worthy enough to play that night, they played through their new song and were satisfied with the results. In the three hours they had left, they introduced Jimmy to a few other bands, such as Black Sabbath and Diamond Head. While they were "converting" Jimmy, as Christian put it, more people began to shuffle into the bar, and judging by how excited Pierre was getting, it was more than just the regulars.

"You guys are on in fifteen minutes!" Pierre called.

"Finally!" Eddy exclaimed.

"Hey guys!" Ed exclaimed, " You'll never guess who's out there!"

"Who's out there then, Ed?" Christian asked.

"Oh you'll never guess who it is!" Ed said excitedly.

"Just tell us, Mullet…" Eddy snapped.

"Kevin and Nazz are right in front of the stage." Ed said.

"Why would they come to see us play?" Edd asked, "They hate us…"

"I know why they're here," Eddy replied, "The damn floozy's gonna try to flirt her way into Christian's singer slot, and she's got Kevin here to muscle him out of it if Christian says no to her, just like I said before!"

"Uh… yeah well Johnny and Plank are out there, too." Ed said.

"Hey Ed, did you see any big, scary guys dressed in gray and black with matching pentagram necklaces out there?" Christian inquired.

"Nope, can't say I did," Ed answered, "But there's a crap load of kids and guys with beer bottles, though."

"Two minutes guys!" Pierre called again.

Christian let out a slow breath and got the band together.

"Ok boys, it's our first gig, well more like my _thirtieth_ gig, but it's my first as a "Metal Ed" and it's your first gig ever, so let's go out there and show the people that made fun of you in high-school that you're not freaks or dorks or whatever it is they called you." Christian consoled.

"Nope, hit it right on the head with 'dorks', Christian." Ed replied.

"You guys are on now! Get going!" Pierre exclaimed.

The pre-gig jitters welled up inside Eddy more than ever as he walked out onto the stage in front of roughly 140 people and took his place behind the drums. He took a deep breath as Christian stepped in front of the microphone and began to get the crowd fired up.

"_How the hell are ya, everybody?!" _Christian yelled at the crowd.

The crowd cheered and screamed in anticipation.

"We're gonna get started right now with a song called _Helpless_ by Diamond Head, you ready?!"

As the drunken crowd cheered again, Christian turned his head to Eddy and nodded at him to begin the song. Eddy took yet another deep breath and began to pound on the drums for the intro to _Helpless_. Gradually, the others came in and the fast-paced song went into full swing.

The gig went on great, and Ed showed off his infamous "backward duck-walk" as they played "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult. He got a little too carried away and nearly smashed into the amplifier stacks that were next to Eddy.

"Hey Ed!" Eddy called to his friend. It was a miracle that his friend heard at all, the amps were so loud.

"Yeah Eddy?" Ed yelled.

"You know how Kevin and Nazz are right by the stage, Mullet?" Eddy panted.

"Yeah, Kevin looks all grumpy and shit, Eddy!" Ed hollered.

"I want you to go bang your head right in front of 'em!" Eddy yelled back.

"Why?" Ed asked as he loudly strummed the power chords to his favorite song.

"'Cause you're all sweaty, so you'll spray 'em, it'll be classic!" Eddy panted.

"You got it, Eddy!" Ed said as he duck walked back to the front of the stage.

Much to Eddy's surprise, Ed pulled off the prank flawlessly without falling off the stage or forgetting to play while banging his head. They played every song on the list, until finally, it was time for the finale.

"Woo! It's been quite a night, huh everybody?!" Christian breathed into the microphone, "Ah, but sadly, we're down to the last song of the night…"

Christian pretended to hang his head and cry while the crowd cheered loudly.

"So to wrap things up we're gonna play a song that _we_ _actually wrote_ on in my truck on the way here! This's called _Apocalypse_…"

Eddy clicked his drumsticks together three times before the band launched into the fast, profanity-drenched song. They managed to stretch the approximately three-minute song to eight minutes much to the delight of the now plastered-beyond-all-comprehension crowd.

"Thank you! That's our show, once again," Christian pointed at his band mates, "On lead guitar, 'Eddward the Great', Double D! On rhythm guitar, Ed, on the skins, Eddy, and I'm Christian St. Denis! Goodnight everybody!"

The band acknowledged the crowd on last time before going to the bathrooms to get cleaned up. Once they mopped the sweat off themselves with paper towels, they grabbed Jimmy and snuck out the backdoor to drive home.

Eddy walked into his room and flopped onto his bed; his arms were going to be _so_ sore tomorrow… as he drifted off to sleep he could hear Cliff saying _"Good job, kid…" _

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A/N: Whoa! Long chapter, huh? That should keep you busy for a while, so read and review while I work on chapter 9! Oh yeah, I'd like to give a heavy metal salute to GIRRR for reviewing my story!


	9. The Day After

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy or any other character from that show, blah, blah, blah, I also get no money from any bands or songs mentioned, all I own is my character, Christian, dribble, dribble, dribble…

I've got yet another long chapter in store for you, so sit back and enjoy the happiness, hilarity, and alcohol consumption for Christian in this somewhat filler chapter! 1,2,3 go!

-

Chapter 9:The Day After

Eddy's eyes peeled open very relaxed and slow that morning.

"Damn, what a night!" Eddy yawned.

Just as he thought, his arms were throbbing and sore from the overexertion he put them through the night before. Despite his pulsating arms and the high-pitched ringing in his ears, Eddy still felt…good. After a quick change of clothes and a thorough Aquanet spraying, he strutted confidently downstairs to shove the gig in his father's face.

"Good morning, son." His father mumbled, taking a sip from his coffee mug.

"Mornin' pop!" Eddy replied as he eased himself into a chair.

"You came home pretty late last night," his father stated, "Or should I say pretty early this morning? Don't think I didn't hear you slink in here last night at three AM…"

"Ah yeah, sorry 'bout that dad, I got home late from my _gig_ last night," Eddy said, "Yep. Edtallica had a _gig_ in Canada last night, and our _gig_ didn't end until eleven, then we had to drive for like, four hours to get home from our _gig_."

"Oh that's right, you had 'gig' didn't you?" his father asked, "how'd that go for you?"

"Pretty good, pop," Eddy bragged while he spread out his wad of twenties on the table, "I got about sixty bucks, not bag for a first _gig_, huh?"

"That's nice, son." His father said as he reached for his briefcase, "Well I'm off to work. You know, I've got to make _real_ money to put food on the table and a roof over our heads."

"I'll make more money come this Friday!" Eddy called after him, "'Cause me and the boys have another _gig_ at the bar, hear that? We're getting steady exposure!"

The door was slammed shut as his father left for his morning commute to his desk job.

"I've won the bet, old man!" Eddy cried out in vein.  
-

Ed let out a loud yawn and scratched his belly as he rolled out of bed. Last night was great! The crowds gave he and his friends a good response and he even made sixty dollars! He was already teeming with excitement for that coming Friday, for Pierre asked them to play at the 5-Hole Tavern every Friday as a standard show.

After bathing, throwing on a t-shirt and jeans, and making his mullet look presentable, Ed moseyed his way up the stairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. He grabbed a few pop-tarts and shoved them into the toaster. He reflected on the great experience his first gig had been until his pastries popped from their chrome-plated oven.

"Mornin' champ!" Ed's dad greeted.

"Hiya dad!" Ed replied.

"How'd the gig go last night, chief?" his dad asked.

"It was awesome!" Ed exclaimed with his mouth full of chocolate pop-tart, "The crowd liked us and I made sixty bucks!"

Ed saw his dad smile and nod. His dad had always supported Ed's music, having been in several bands throughout high school himself. He too, dreamt of becoming a star, but had to give it up when he was Ed's age, when his girlfriend dropped the bombshell and admitted her pregnancy, the result of a wild night after a gig. Nine months later, Ed was born. To help provide a good life for his new wife and son, he got a haircut and applied for a job in radio advertising. It made him somewhat misty-eyed. His son was following in his footsteps…

"Guess what, dad?" Ed asked, taking another bite of toaster pastry.

"What?"

"The tavern owner wants us to play there every Friday night since we did so good last night!" Ed exclaimed.

Ed's dad grinned again. "That's great, Ed."

-  
"Ye-OUCH!" Edd yelled.

He glanced down at the fingers on his left hand, which were blistered and peeling from all the lightening-quick guitar solos that he played during the gig.

"Well, no pain no gain, I guess…" Edd muttered to himself, "Sure it's only sixty dollars this gig, but the audience'll grow somewhat for the next show, and more audience means more _cash_."

He chuckled, "Holy hell, I'm starting to sound like Eddy…" 

The guitarist strolled over to his guitar stand and picked up his Telecaster and gingerly began to play the solo that he threw together for "Apocalypse", trying not to pop the blisters on his fingers. He could hear the drunken cheers of the audience that he, Ed, Eddy, and Christian had captivated inside his head.

He felt at home when he was on the tiny stage in the hockey bar, and he couldn't wait to feel the pre-gig jitters and that rush he got when he played in front of an audience. Back in his "nerdy faze", as Ed and Eddy jokingly referred it, Edd considered taking a career path along the lines of a brain surgeon or possibly a scientist of some sort. After last night, Edd cast those old childish dreams aside for the goal of becoming a rock star, and judging by the gig, that dream would become a reality very soon. Sure, his parents wouldn't approve, but they were never home anyway, what the hell would they care?

This brought another issue before the rocker, _where the fuck were his parents! _

"They've been gone for over three weeks," Edd pondered aloud, "That's a little long for a business trip, even for _them_…"

He decided not to worry about it; surely they'd be back soon. Besides, he enjoyed having the house to himself. He could swear aloud, turn his amp up past '7' when he plugged in his guitar, and crank Iron Maiden all he wanted on his stereo while his mindless drones of parents were out. But still, soulless zombies or not, they were his mom and dad, and he was their only son. The least he could do was call.

Edd picked up the phone and dialed the number of the hotel that his parents had given him.

"This is the Phoenix Hilton, how may I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, could you help me? I'm trying to call my parents that're staying in your hotel."

"Certainly sir, what are their names?"

"David and Holly McAllister."

"Ok, just a moment please, I'll check the records," The secretary stated, "It says that they checked out this morning at 10:30, sir, I apologize."

"Ah, no, it's fine," The guitarist replied, "Just calling to see if they were coming home soon's all, thanks anyway."

'Well, can't say I didn't try.' Edd thought as he hung up the phone.

-

_17-year-old Christian walked up the steps to the door of his house. He had another long day of rehearsal with Iron Fist. Long, yet rewarding. Craig, or Brother "Coffin" as he was now known, had kept him late, however, and now he had to sneak past the ever-watchful parents again. _

_The satanic bassist smoothed back his long, black dyed hair and stuck his key into the lock. He slowly opened the door a crack and slipped through to tiptoe up to his room. _

"_Hello, son…" _

_Christian, startled, looked up to see his parents standing in front of him, with sullen, angry, looks on their faces. _

"_Hey dad, hi ma…" Christian nervously breathed. _

"_You were with them, weren't you?" his mother seethed. _

"_Uh…no?" _

"_Don't tell a falsehood, son," his dad, or Pastor Jim, as he was better known at his church said, "You need all the points with God that you can get, best not anger Him further." _

"_Wha?" _

"_Look at you, Christian!" his mother screamed, "You're just like your brother… the dyed hair, the makeup, and THIS!" _

_Christian was shocked as his mother yanked off his pentagram necklace and waved it in his face as if he were Satan himself. _

"_C'mon ma, it's a gimmick! You think I actually go around saying 'I am Brother Christian'? And besides, Pentagrams aren't even satanic, they're pagan!" _

"_WE DON'T CARE!" his father bellowed. _

"_We want you out of here, Christian…" his mother said with tears choking up her voice. _

"_What're you?" _

"_Here, we've packed your bags, Lucifer!" his dad seethed, dropping a brown leather suitcase at his feet. _

_Christian felt numb. He looked into his parents' eyes, his father's were cold and angry and his mother's were full of tears of shame. He snorted angrily, picked up the suitcase, and walked out the door. _

"Ah!" Christian yelped.

The bassist took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

"Why do I keep having that dream?" Christian asked himself, "I got kicked out of Iron Fist almost a month ago, I've patched things up with Ma and Dad, _and_ I had a good long gig with the Eds last night, I should've had a long, dreamless, boring as a Kenny G concert sleep!"

The Canadian shrugged and rolled out of bed to get dressed. Then he'd have to find something to do with himself. After he threw on a Voivod t-shirt and some ripped up black jeans, Christian walked to his mini-fridge to get his morning beer.

Suddenly as he was popping of the cap, his phone let out its raspy ring.

"H'lo?"

"Hello Christian…" a deep scary voice greeted.

"Oh hi Mrs. Spielman! I'll bring the monthly rent down to you in about an hour, sorry it's late, I've been busy with my new band, y'know."

The voice growled, "It's _me, Brother Coffin, _you know, your brother, Craig? The one that kicked you out of the band a month ago?"

"Oh," Christian muttered, his voice getting colder, "What the hell do _you_ want?"

"We heard about your little show last night," Coffin cackled, "The 5-Hole, eh? Very impressive…"

"I know it's not 'Ronny Rude's' caliber," Christian yelled, "But I'm smarter than some people give me credit for, _Craig_… I knew that Iron Fist would never go to anywhere in Canada, so I picked my favorite bar. We raked in some serious cash, too."

"Yes, yes, I'm sure to you and that fledgling band you joined, sixty dollars Canadian is a lot of money. You may have gotten an unknown location, but you'll never beat us in 'Mosh Rock'…"

"_Mosh Rock?"_

"Come now, Brother Christian… Surely you know about Mosh Rock, the battle of the bands that gets local news attention. The winner this year gets a sponsor, maybe you'd like to enter…"

"As a matter of fact I would!"

"Very well, the event's on your turf next month, it's only right…"

"Only right that we win it! I'll see you in a month!" Christian exclaimed, "Now _good day _to you, sir!"

"Goodbye Brother Christian…"

"I said _good day!" _Christian yelled as he hung up.

"I think that went very well!" Christian assured himself.

He'd have to tell the guys about _Mosh_ R_ock_, but he could do that later, now he wanted beer… As Christian rooted through his cabinets for a bottle opener, his phone rang again. Reluctantly, he set his beer down on the table and said a few swears as he picked up the phone again.

"Yeah?"

"Christian? It's me, Eddy. Are you doin' anything today?"

"Actually yeah," The Canuck joked in a girly voice, "I was going to just curl up on my uncomfortable couch, have a lite beer, take the Cosmo quiz, and watch _The Ashlee Simpson Show…" _

"Pfft. Knock it off Christian, you're scarin' me!" Eddy exclaimed, "But seriously, you wanna come down? Me and the boys are getting together at my place while my parents are at work."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be down there as quick as I can, I'm not really doing anything. I wasn't kidding about the beer, though."

"Just steal one of my dad's, he won't care."

"Ok, I'll see you down there, bye."

-

The Eds lazily plopped themselves into lawn chairs on the deck in Eddy's backyard.

"Sodas, guys?" Eddy asked, pulling out three bottles of root beer from the cooler next to him.

"Christian should be down here pretty soon, I called him over two hours ago," Eddy continued.

"Good day, Eds!" a familiar voice greeted.

"Hiya, Christian!" Ed said.

Christian opened his mouth to speak again, but Eddy cut him off before he could.

"Your beer's in the cooler, Christian…" Eddy sighed, rolling his eyes.

The Canuck grinned and nodded at his friend appreciatively. He popped off the cap and took a swig from the bottle.

"So uh… What're we gonna do?" Christian asked Eddy.

"I dunno, wanna go shove the gig in people's faces?" Eddy suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good enough." Christian replied, "That Kevin dude flipped me the bird last night, so I think I'd like to go and get an _apology_."

"You're gonna whip Kevin's ass, aren't ya, Christian?" Ed asked excitedly.

"Yeah, but I was putting it nicely," Christian replied, "Let's go."

So with their beverages (alcoholic or otherwise) still in hand, Edtallica took to the streets of the cul-de-sac.

"Hey guys, great show last night!" Jimmy complimented, walking towards them.

"Thanks, little dude!" Christian replied.

They let Jimmy join them in their random strut down the cul-de-sac. As they walked with their metal heads held high, they came across their detractors.

"Hey, check it out, it's Kevin!" Eddy muttered to the others, "Pfft… is he fixing Nazz's car? God, he's so whipped!"

"He's gonna get whipped again in a couple minutes," Christian seethed, "Follow my lead there, boys."

The Eds and Jimmy watched as Christian slowly wandered towards the redheaded grease monkey. As they followed, Christian took a few swigs from his beer bottle and started to sing the first verse from "Helpless", the Diamond Head song that they started off the gig with. Eddy walked faster to catch up with his Canadian friend; he didn't want to miss this.

"Hey, Kev!" Eddy greeted casually.

Kevin looked up from his work and snarled, "What do you dorks want?"

"Hey, hey, easy there, tough guy!" Eddy replied, "We just wanted to know whether you and your mistress- I mean Nazz enjoyed our show last night."

Kevin grunted again and sneered, "I bet you think you guys think you're pretty hot shit, don't you?"

"Correction there, jackass," Christian interjected, taking another swig, "We don't _think _we're hot shit, we _know_ we're hot shit!"

Kevin glared at Christian. He opened his mouth to speak, but Eddy interrupted.

"Oh sorry 'bout that Kevin, this is Christian. He's the guy that sings in our band." Eddy said, nodding towards his friend.

The angered mechanic spat on Christian's shoes and leered at the band.

"I can't believe you dorks hired this wannabe to sing for you," Kevin muttered, "If you hired Nazz, you'd have gotten a gig at someplace good, not some shit-hole Canadian hockey bar…"

"_Heeeeey,"_ Ed said, "The 5-Hole's not a shit-hole, it's cool! And they have the best little curly fries ever…"

As Ed spiraled into a random rambling about the 5-Hole's curly fries, the conversation continued.

"You don't get it, do ya?" Eddy sighed, "You see, we _had_ to hire Christian, Kev-O. You see, if we didn't, we'd be damned to the position of that Ashlee Simpson wannabe's backup band, and we didn't want that, being a _heavy metal_ band as we are."

"We'd be turned teen-pop like _that_!" Christian added, snapping his fingers.

"So you see," Eddy concluded, "picking Christian as the singer balances out the heavy metal universe."

"Hey Kevin?" A bubbly voice called from the garage.

Christian winked at Eddy and pretended to be slightly sloshed.

"A-ha! Speak of the bitch, there she is! Hey, what menial chore do you have for yer man-slave now?" Christian slurred.

Edtallica and their new biggest fan cackled heartily as Kevin ignored Christian's drunken remark.

"Yeah Nazz?" Kevin responded.

Nazz walked out of the garage towards Kevin. She gave her "man-slave" a peck on the cheek then gave the band and fan a confused glance.

"Oh, uh… hey guys, what're you doing here?" the blonde inquired.

"Just havin' a nice yapping session with yer dude-bitch over here about the gig that me and the boys in the band put on the night that came before this morning did." Christian blurred.

Eddy held back his hysterical laughter and spoke, "Oh, Nazz, have you met our singer/bassist Christian? Y'know, the one that was better than you at singing and stuff, the one that your slave here flipped the one finger salute to last night? Ringin' any bells there, blondie?"

Christian snapped to attention. He had completely forgotten about the reason he was talking to the people in the first place! Sure, taunting an obviously whipped man-slave was all well and good, but he had honor to defend! He couldn't just punch him; he might get sued… Therefore, the best thing to do was anger him until _he_ swung at_ him, _the Canadian concluded.

The Canuck faux-wobbled his way to the blonde dominatrix and leaned on her shoulder.

"Y'know Ashlee –that is your name, ain't it-I gotta hand it to ya," Christian spouted, "You can't sing worth shit, but damn, you sure got ol' Cabrera –did I pronounce yer spanglish-blurting beau's last name right? Cabrera- On a leash, don't ya?"

The Eds and Jimmy laughed so hard that they began to roll on the pavement in sideline hysterics.

"I mean, _c'mon!"_ he continued, "I've heard of wearin' the pants in the relationship, but you've bought out a whole proverbial Levi's truck full of 'em! –You should wear a fuckin' belt, by the way. Don't act like you dunno what I'm talking about, I've seen your show, and I've got two words for ya: _crack kills!" _

"_That's it!"_ Kevin bellowed.

The lumbering dude-laborer took a huge swing at Christian, who abruptly ducked.

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" Christian joked.

After a well-placed knee to the gut, Kevin keeled over. Christian sprang into action and quickly pulled Kevin's shirt over his head, like hockey players do when they fight.

The brawl was short lived, as three precise punches and a huge loogie on Kevin's face later Christian came out victorious. Once it was over, Christian picked up his beer bottle and walked off.

"Ok guys, I've done what I've come to do, let's go back to Eddy's house, shall we?" The victorious Ontarian suggested.

Edtallica then proceeded to crank the tunes and babble needlessly until the sun went down. After Christian spread the news to his band mates about Mosh Rock, he bid his friends farewell and drove off in his black '96 Ford F-150 to his home. The Eds and Jimmy bid each other farewell shortly after Christian left and returned home, for they had another day of rehearsal tomorrow.

-

A/N: I know, I know, this was kind of a filler chapter, but it had to be done. Sorry it took so long to write this, but school and a severe case of writer's block'll do that to ya. Well read and review until I'm done typing the much more meaningful chapter 10!


	10. Front Page News

Disclaimer: Surely this far down the road you know I don't own the rights to any songs or bands mentioned, or any of the characters from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, right? And hopefully you know that the only things I own are my characters Christian and the guys in Iron Fist correct? Yeah. Ok, glad that's over…

Ok, yet another semi-long chapter for you this time. You know how I said that this chapter would be more meaningful in my note from last time? Well, it's more meaningful compared to the blatant filler comedy I threw in for Chapter 9. Lots of crazy stuff happens this time, enjoy!

PS: If there happen to be any random solid lines, ignore them, they mean nothing. My computer's a piece of crap with a monitor, so when it acts up, it ain't pretty… So because of this, I'll have things like this ( > ) represent time passing.

Chapter 10: Front Page News

"_Thank you! You guys are fuckin' awesome, man! G'night!"_ Christian rasped into the mic.

One final note was struck before the lights cut completely then came back on, giving Edtallica their chance to exit "backstage" after yet another successful Saturday night gig.

"Woo-hoo! We _rocked _out there, guys!" Eddy whooped, "Did you hear that crowd?"

"Hell yeah I heard the crowd!" Christian exclaimed, "You can tell that wasn't just the bar regulars with a few extra bucks, eh?"

The band collapsed into some steel folding chairs that were set up for them behind the stage to relax while they waited for Pierre to come with that night's headcount and their cuts of the earnings. After eagerly popping open their drinks, Christian proposed a toast.

Christian raised his Labat Blue towards his band mates and grinned.

"To Edtallica!" the Canuck croaked, "May we proceed to rock now, rock tomorrow, and every day until our unfortunate demise!"

After a brief chorus of "I'll drink to that"s and "Woo-hoo"s the band clinked their beverage bottles together and downed their drinks, then continued to ramble on about that night's show.

"You guys were _great_ tonight!" Pierre yelled excitably.

"Thanks, Pierre," Eddy replied, "Now what was the headcount tonight?"

Pierre grinned so wide that it looked uncomfortable. "_Four hundred_ people were out there tonight, guys! _Four hundred!" _

"Are you serious?" Edd asked, cleaning out his ears, "Did I hear you correctly?"

"Yep, that's right, Double D, four hundred, " Ed replied, "_ISN'T THAT AWESOME?" _

"Yeah, not bad for only the sixth gig, eh?" Christian added, "If we managed to pack four hundred people that actually _like_ our music in this little hockey bar, just imagine what we can do within the three weeks before Mosh!"

"So how much money did we make tonight?" Eddy casually asked Pierre.

"Well let's see…" Pierre mumbled, "Four hundred people times six dollars each… give or take a few dollars for Jimmy's discount…"

"Didn't Jimmy pay the full admittance this time anyway?" Christian asked Eddy.

"Yeah I think he-"

"Twenty-four hundred dollars all together!" Pierre exclaimed. "Half goes into the register…"

"That seems fair." Eddy noted.

"And half goes to you guys!" The slaphappy French-Canadian proclaimed.

The boys in the band divvied up their cuts of that night's earnings, finished their drinks, loaded Eddy's drums into his new truck (courtesy of his brother), and drove off towards their homes.

> > > > > > > > > >

Edd parked his mom's Volkswagen and slowly trudged his way towards the front porch. Half asleep, he rooted through his pockets for his house keys. In his zombie-like state, he missed the keyhole a few times before finally unlocking his door and stumbling in. The bushed guitarist placed his telecaster in its stand and flopped onto his bed.

As he reached up to turn off his table lamp, he noticed that the "new message light" was blinking on his answering machine. He blindly flailed around for the play button and pressed it.

"_Saturday, July 15th, 4:30 PM." _The machine droned.

Edd snapped out of his weary trance for a few seconds when he heard his mother's voice on the machine.

"Eddward? Hi sweetie, it's mom. Your father and I had to rush to another brief trip in Vancouver for a few days, we'll be back soon, ok?"

"_End of message." _The machine droned.

The guitarist shrugged and rolled over to drift off to sleep.

> > > > > > > > > > >

The high-pitched ring-tone of the Motley Crue tune "Doctor Feelgood" rang from Eddy's cell phone, yanking him unmercifully from his slumber.

"What the…?" Eddy muttered as he fumbled for his phone.

"H'lo?"

"Don't tell me you're still asleep!" a familiar voice responded from the other end.

"What do you want, Christian?" Eddy grumbled sleepily, "It's like, nine o' clock…"

"Yeah, I know it's a little early for you; but dude, I swear this is important!"

Eddy sighed. "I'm listening…"

"I just got off the phone with a reporter from the Toronto local paper," The Canadian stated, "They want us at the 5-Hole at 2:00 for an interview, Eddy! _An interview! _Apparently we set a new attendance record at the 5-Hole or something._" _

Eddy's eyes shot open. "You serious? "

"You always ask me that, and I always tell you, why would I be joking about something like this? Just rally up the boys and get your asses to the hockey bar, I'll see you guys there!" Christian concluded.

"Ok, see ya." Eddy replied, hanging up his phone.

Eddy then leaped from his bed, changed into some fresh clothes, sprayed his hair, and bolted out the door to wake up his fellow Eds. He first sprinted up to Ed's house, ringing the doorbell every few seconds and pounding aggressively on the door.

"Hiya, Eddy!" Ed greeted.

"C'mon Mullet, we've got to get to Canada for an interview, pronto!" Eddy yelled, "Now hurry, we've got to get Double D!"

They sprinted to their friend's house and got his attention in a similar matter. Then the Eds climbed into their various vehicles and sped off to the great white north.

Christian nervously drummed his fingers on a table. He glanced up at the big, glaring neon clock that always read, "It's hockey time" in flashing letters. It read 1:45. Fifteen minutes until the interview was supposed to start, and there was no sight of his band mates, or even the newspaper reporter. He knew that this interview was going to be a huge step for the band. After all, how many other bands entering "Mosh Rock" would be able to say that their local paper interviewed them?

He couldn't wait for the interview to begin. At last he would be able to wave something into his former band's face that actually had some value. Sure up to this point he had always chucked _The Daily Leaf_ into the recycling bin without even unrolling it, but now he'd have a reason to read the pointless and often boring paper.

The Canadian was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of the doors being shoved open.

"Hey Christian, we're here!" Eddy greeted, "Is the newspaper guy here yet?"

"Nope, not yet," Christian replied, "but hey, it's only 1:55, they still have five minutes at their disposal."

The Eds sat down at the table, when suddenly the door opened again. This time, a middle-aged man in a blue blazer stepped in.

"That's the reporter?" Christian whispered to his friends, "He looks like somebody who I'd steal lunch money from in junior high or something!"

The oblivious reporter squinted and gazed around the bar until he saw the band. He then wended his way over to the band with a grin that would envy Pierre's.

"Hello there. Edtallica, right?"

"That'd be us." Christian replied.

The nerdy questioner stuck out his hand "Boys, I'm Chuck McGee from _The Daily Leaf_, nice to meet you. Now let's get down to business, shall we?"

The reporter whipped out a notepad and a pen along with a sheet of paper. After organizing his papers and slipping on some ungodly dorky reading glasses, he began his questioning.

"Ok, now keep in mind, I'm writing down exactly what you say," Chuck warned, so try to keep the language clean, please."

"So uh, does that mean you're gonna fuck with whatever we say and make it wholesome or something?" Christian asked.

"I guess that's how you four would say it, yes." he replied, "Now, question one: So, you've broken the old attendance record for the 5-Hole Tavern by a good 150 people, how's it feel?"

The band sat a few seconds, staring blankly at the reporter.

"Uh… is this question free game, or do you want only one of us to answer it?" Edd asked, raising an eyebrow.

The scribe snapped to attention. "Oh! Yes, I apologize, boys. Yes, this is 'free game'."

"How do you think we feel?" Eddy answered, "It feels great, duh!"

Chuck nodded and scribbled Eddy's response quickly on his notepad.

"Ok… this one's for Christian. You used to be in Iron Fist, as many of your fans know. Do you think that Edtallica will be able to compare with your brother's band?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" Christian answered happily, "We pack more and more metal heads in this bar every Friday, and as you can see, they like us if we can cram four-hundred people in here."

"You guys play mostly covers, right?"

"Yeah, a majority of our play list is covers." Eddy responded.

"We've written a few songs, too!" Ed added.

"Great there, boys. Now this one's for you three," McGee said, pointing to the Eds, "How did you come about getting Christian St. Denis to join?"

"Don't ask us, he just showed up one day, we liked how he sounded and poof! He's in." Eddy answered.

Christian chuckled, "Oh yeah, they had these pretty signs that drew me in, y'know?"

"How do you all determine which songs to play? Do you have to take it up with the manager, or do you simply play whatever you want?"

"Well… it's like this," Christian said, "There are some covers that're crowd pleasers, so we've always got to play 'Helpless' or we've got to play 'Godzilla' into 'The Red and The Black', but we try to play something different every show. Like just last night we covered 'Doctor Feel Good' by Motley Crue, which let me tell ya was not a skate at the rink for me to sing!"

"Yeah, and we always play the songs… well, _song_ we've written." Edd added.

Eddy glanced up at the clock. Only twenty minutes had passed and he was already bored out of his wits.

'This is going to be a looooooooong interview…' he thought.

> > > > > > > > > >

Jimmy sat outside on his deck in a padded patio chair enjoying the bright, hot July day. He was also contently sketching various things for the band: symbols, the band name drawn certain ways, things of that nature with AC/DC's _Highway to Hell _blaring in his headphones. He had changed a lot in the past month and a half, and he liked it. Like Eddy, he sold all of his old spacey sitar CDs and used the cash to buy himself some _good_ music, meaning in Jimmy's case, primarily AC/DC and Black Sabbath.

He also decided that he would grow his hair like the Eds and Christian had done when they were around his age. He wanted to grow his hair like Angus Young's, long, but not _too_ long. Right now his hair covered about ¾ of his ears and neck, so it still had some growing to do.

Jimmy chuckled to himself. He wasn't artsy, suspectedly fruity Jimmy anymore, now he had undergone a heavy-metal transformation! No way would he be picked on by the jocks by the time school rolled around. He nodded reassuringly and returned to his drawings.

The metal-headed Monet was interrupted from his random illustrating by a tap on the shoulder.

"Huh?" Jimmy said, taking off his headphones.

"Hey Jimmy!" Sarah greeted, "Whatcha drawing?"

"Oh, hey Sarah," Jimmy responded, "I'm drawing uh…stuff. So, what's up?"

Sarah began to speak, but before she could tell him what was "up", he quickly placed his headphones back over his ears. Right on time for "Beating Around the Bush". Yes! He loved that song, it was fast, loud, pointless and not to mention perfect for head banging!

"Jimmy? Jimmy!" Sarah yelled, pulling the headphones off the ears of her friend.

"Oh, sorry 'bout that, Sarah, "Jimmy apologized, "I really like that song. What were you saying?"

"I just said nothing was up. What was the deal with the head thing? That's what Ed does when he listens to music…" Sarah said with a confused and disgusted look on her face.

Jimmy rolled his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. He decided to continue down the path of an intelligent conversation instead of explaining what head banging was to his longtime friend.

"Anyway, I was talking to Nazz, and she says that the Drama Club over at the high school's really good. You're still joining drama with me, right?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure." Jimmy answered, "Yeah, drama's sure gonna be awesome!"

Sarah began to yammer about Peach Creek High's show schedule for that year, and something else about what her chances of getting a part on the cast for one of the productions would be, but Jimmy tuned her out to continue drawing. Sure, he still loved Drama, there wasn't anything "un-metal" as the Eds would say about it, but school wasn't for another month and a half. He was focusing on that moment, where he was drawing stuff before his bubbly yet rude friend interrupted him. He desperately wanted out of the conversation, but he couldn't just get up and leave…

"What page did Chuck say our interview would be on again?" Ed's voice asked from the background.

"It was like, page four of the 'On The Town' section or something." Christian answered, "If you guys want copies I can pick some up, the paper's free in those little stands around town."

"Yeah sure, I'll take one." Eddy replied, "I wanna have something tangible to shove in my dad's face!"

Jimmy sat up and waved his new friends over. Surely they'd be able to save him from this awkward conversation.

"Hiya Jimmy!" Ed greeted, paying no attention to the evil eye his sister was giving him.

"Hey Ed," Jimmy responded, "How did the interview go?"

"It went ok, I guess…" Eddy answered, "Hopefully they won't altar our language or answers or anything, we kinda said a couple hundred swears at the end."

"C'mon Eddy, it's not like it matters." Edd replied, "I don't think anybody's going to read it, anyway."

"Yeah but still, we don't want people thinking we're a bunch of pusses that use _proper _English or something, do we?" Christian joked.

"What's that you're drawin'?" Eddy asked, pointing to Jimmy's sketchpad.

"Oh this? Just some random stuff I've been drawing in case you guys were thinking about making t-shirts to sell at your gigs or something." The artist replied, handing Eddy the pad.

Eddy flipped through the pad smiling and nodding every now and again, throwing in a few looks of disapproval. He then passed it around to the rest of the band, who gave pretty much the same nods that Eddy had.

"So… what'd you guys think?" Jimmy asked.

"I liked the way you wrote 'Edtallica' on the third page, dude," Eddy responded, "I also thought that the mascot dude you drew was cool."

"Yeah I liked that, too!" Ed agreed, "We should totally use that as our mascot!"

"It'd be like Edtallica's version of 'Eddie', I suppose." Edd added.

"Oh, I've got the perfect name for him!" Christian cut in, "Let's call him _Winslow!_"

"Winslow?" Eddy asked, scratching his head.

"Yeah, Winslow was the name of the frat boy that taught me how to play bass." Christian answered.

After a few minutes of deliberation, the band and Jimmy agreed that "Winslow" would be a good enough name for the cartoon metal head with a beer bottle in hand.

"Oh! Almost forgot," Christian said, pulling a black plastic bag out from under his chair, "Me and the boys got something for ya, Jimmy."

The Canadian reached into the black bag and unfolded a black t-shirt with AC/DC printed across the top.

"We took the liberty of buying you your first band tee, " Christian said, punching Jimmy on the arm, "Go ahead, try it on."

The teen anxiously pulled the glorious garment over his head and found that it fit almost perfectly. He glanced around at the Eds and Christian, who flashed him the heavy metal salute in approval.

"Yep, ol' Jimbo's gonna have to beat the chicks away with a stick when he slaps on that bad boy, right baby sister?" Ed asked.

Jimmy turned his head and was surprised to see that Sarah was in fact still standing in the same spot that she was in when Edtallica showed up nearly twenty minutes ago.

"Yeah, Jimmy, the shirt looks _great…" _Sarah snorted, stomping off.

The confused scribbler raised an eyebrow. "What was that about? Did I say something wrong?"

"Nope, but hey, that's women for ya, Jim." Christian stated.

"We should get to work on that new song you were talking about, Christian!" Ed exclaimed happily.

Christian nodded and turned to Jimmy, "Care to tag along there, little dude?"

"Sure," Jimmy answered, "I'd like that."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: _Voila, _chapter 10… Ok, ok, I _swear _the next chapter will be meaningful, but this still had some important stuff. Like uh… the Eds getting a taste of what comes with fame, an update on Double D's parents, and Jimmy slowly drifting away from Sarah. Sorry that it took for freaking ever to get this up, but I battled a 102 degree fever and literally coughed up buckets of phlegm for a week (nice little visual for you, there.), got better, then had school to contend with. Well, I'ma go work on Chapter 11 now, so go ahead and read and review this.


	11. A Little Help from my Friends

Disclaimer: The only things I own are my characters Christian, Pierre, and the guys in Iron Fist. Wow, that's a considerably shorter way to type the disclaimer ramblings!

Remember how I said that this chapter would be really good in my note from last time? Well this time, I aim to please! This chapter's got everything: comedy, tragedy, angst, happiness, friendship, and alcohol consumption, lots and lots of alcohol consumption! YAY! I guess… So without further rambling, I call this one Chapter 11! (Wicked-awesome guitar riff)

Chapter 11: A Little Help from my Friends

"Hey guys, come check these lyrics out!" Christian called back to his friends.

It was Friday once again, and the band was at the 5-Hole waiting to put on another show. That Friday had marked the end of a very productive week for Edtallica. That week, the band confirmed some t-shirt designs with Jimmy, hammered out five new songs: "Heavy Metal Mental Case", "Rockin' Out", "Hit and Run", "Deadeye", and finally, "Labat Blues", the mildly hilarious song that Christian had just finished the lyrics to.

"You're done already?" Eddy asked, taking the notebook from Christian.

"Yeah, after the second song, they just kinda write themselves." Christian answered.

Eddy scanned the three verse tongue-in-cheek song and cackled heartily a few times before passing the notebook to the others.

"So what do ya think, guys?" Christian asked.

"I like it, it's funny!" Ed exclaimed.

"It's good, a little too jokey for my taste, but good." Edd said.

"Hey, they can't all be like 'Deadeye', we gotta have some fun with our music." Christian replied, "Besides, every band's got a joke song: Chuck Berry had 'My Dingaling', Aerosmith has 'Dude Looks Like a Lady'-"

"Not to mention every Ashlee Simpson song ever written, huh guys?" Ed added.

"That's right Ed! So ya see? We have to have a fun song. It's like, _required. _Besides, if it tanks, we never have to play it again, dude, I swear on my honor as a Canadian _and_ as a rocker." Christian said to Edd.

"Ok guys, how about we play all of our songs through one more time before we go over the play list." Eddy declared.

The band got up and walked towards the tiny stage that they used to ruin the hearing of their audience every gig that they played.

"Where's Jimmy again?" Edd asked as he strapped his guitar over his shoulder.

"He said he'd come about an hour early with some of his drama club friends or something." Eddy answered.

"Ok, wanna start with 'Hit and Run' or something to get warmed up?" Christian asked his band mates.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Eddy nodded.

The band played through their songs in about thirty-five minutes, then wrote down that night's play list, which looked something like this:

"Helpless"-Diamond Head (staple intro)

"Motorhead"- Motorhead

"Battery" -Metallica

"Bomber" -Motorhead

(Something new + Canada points) "Ballroom Blitz"-Sweet

"Bleeding Me"- Metallica

Introduce "Hit and Run"

"Godzilla/The Red and The Black"- Blue Oyster Cult (crowd pleaser)

Introduce "Heavy Metal Mental Case"

Introduce "Deadeye"

(Christian and Double D only) "O Canada"

"Crazy Train"-Ozzy Osbourne

Introduce "Labat Blues"

Introduce "Rockin' Out"

"Apocalypse" (staple finale)

Thank crowd and end

"Ok, so that's what the play list's gonna look like for tonight, boys." Christian concluded.

"And now, the wait…" Eddy sighed, slumping in his chair, "I _hate_ the wait."

"Yeah, but c'mon Eddy," Ed said, elbowing his lifelong friend on the arm, "It gives us a chance to have some spirited conversation!"

"So Double D," Eddy said casually, popping open a perfectly legal beer, "What's the deal with your parents? They've been gone since like, June."

Edd snorted and grabbed a lager himself, "They said they're coming home tomorrow. They've been gone so long that I've had to pay the IRS myself a few times."

"Damn, that _is_ long," Christian replied, "They've been gone a month and a half on quote 'business trips'? Pfft, if that's the case, I'm glad we're musicians!"

"Yeah, but we'll have to go on tour and stuff," Edd added, "But at least we'll be on the road for months and then get a vacation. My parents have been going on nonstop trips without even thinking of the word 'vacation' since I was about five. It's like an eight-letter curse-word to them."

"It'll be good to have 'em home, though, won't it Double D?" Ed asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Edd replied, taking swig of his drink, "Needless to say I'll have quite a few stories to tell when they get back! I can actually predict what that'll look like."

The guitarist cleared his throat and put a stern, serious look on his face to impersonate his dad.

"Eddward! We're home!" Edd exclaimed in a drone-like voice, "Cripes, am I tired! There's nothing I'd fancy more right now than a raspberry wine cooler and a good book. Fetch me one, won't you? Ah, yes, that's nice…"

"Your dad actually talks like that?" Eddy cackled.

"Yeah, he wants to be English, even though he's from Battle Creek and all of our ancestors are from Scotland and Wales, which is weird enough because _nobody_ talks like that anymore." Edd responded, "Ok, and then my mom would come in."

"Hi sweetie," Edd crooned in a forced high-pitched voice, "I hope you had some fun while we were gone."

"Oh yeah mom, a whole lot of stuff's happened since you both left," Edd continued in his normal voice.

"Really?" he said in the 'dad' voice, "Like what, son?"

"Well, me, Ed, and Eddy found a bassist that could sing so we've been doing gigs at a Canadian hockey bar every Friday night, my girlfriend broke up with me, and the guys and I have entered a band contest. If we win it, we'll be famous rock stars and you'll never see me except for on a few holidays. Ah, but enough about me, why don't you enlighten me with some long, boring-ass story about an incompetent dullard in a boardroom meeting you had in Phoenix." Edd concluded to a chorus of laughter from his friends.

Christian laughed hysterically and pounded on the table. "Ah man, Double D, your folks make my family sound exciting, and they're like Ned and Maude Flanders personified!" The Canadian laughed, "That's probably why me and Craig formed Iron Fist!"

"I feel your pain on that one, Double D," Eddy chuckled, "My dad's a corporate zombie, too. That's probably why me and Jeff turned out the way we did: a DJ for a heavy metal station in San Francisco and a drummer in a heavy metal band, not bad, huh? "

Ed was going to try and find something about his parents that was similar to his friend's, but before he could, the band was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening.

"Hey guys, I'm here!" Jimmy called.

Jimmy came into the tavern with about seven bewildered freshmen-to-be following him.

"I promised a few friends that you guys would put on a kick-ass show, I assume you won't disappoint 'em?" Jimmy asked while high fiving the Eds and Christian.

"We'll kick ass, count on it. No way would we disappoint uh…who are you people exactly?" Christian asked, taking a swig of his Labat.

"Oh, sorry guys. Edtallica, meet Alex, Joe, Pat, Andy, Ralph, Jesse, and Cindy. Everybody, that's Ed, Double D, Eddy, and Christian." Jimmy said.

After exchanging "hi"s and "hey, how ya doing?"s, Jimmy's friends seemed to calm down slightly.

"Uh… why don't you guys go get cokes or something?" Jimmy suggested to his posse of chums.

"Sorry about the looks they gave you, guys," Jimmy whispered to the band, "Most of 'em are kinda on the nerdy end of the clique chain, but hey, they're my friends. Maybe this'll turn them away from show tunes and R&B."

"What about that Cindy chick?" Eddy asked, "She had a Metallica shirt on."

"Yeah… I know…" Jimmy stated in a spacey voice, "Sure, she only likes their old stuff, but who cares?"

"Whoa-ho, looks like our little Jimbo's got the hots for somebody!" Ed chuckled slyly while elbowing every one of his band mates.

"Ha ha, I think you're right, Mullet," Eddy replied, "Look how red he's getting right now!"

"And did you hear how his voice trailed off when he talked about her?" Edd guffawed lightly.

"Shut up, guys!" Jimmy said, turning three different shades of red.

"Ok, ok, little dude. Calm down, we'll stop," Christian said, "You got a good eye for girls, though. Kinda reminds me of myself when I was your age, or three years ago, as it were. You gonna ask her out after the show?"

"I guess I could _try…" _Jimmy replied.

"Dude, it's easy. Just make sure that you get next to her during the show, don't let the geek brigade get in the way. The show starts, the Eds and I do what we do best, you bang your head for two hours, then ask her if she wants to see a movie or something with you this weekend before she splits, " Christian lectured, "She won't turn you down, you're a nice enough dude."

"Make sure you set a specific day and place, though." Ed added, "I didn't once, and it was a disaster!"

"Ok, I think I can do that." Jimmy breathed.

"You better start getting ready, boys!" Pierre exclaimed, "The crowd's starting to come!"

"Well, we'll see ya later, Jim." Christian said.

"Yeah, you better get yourself in a good spot." Ed advised.

"You guys are on in three minutes!" Pierre yelled.

"Finally!" Eddy said excitedly, springing out of his chair and grabbing his drumsticks.

To get themselves fired up, the band did something that they called the "Communist Mosh Pit", where they would jump up and down with stern looks on their faces before screaming as loud as they could. They did this for a few minutes and then began to run towards the stage, guitars and drumsticks held high.

Christian grabbed his microphone and began to work some of his front man ramblings for the crowd.

"_Hey everybody, how you doing out there tonight!" _he yelled.

The crowd cheered loudly in response.

Christian chuckled. _"Heh heh, We're feeling pretty YAAAAAAAA, too, man! We're gonna get this damn thing started with 'Helpless' by Diamond Head, what do ya think?" _

The crowd cheered even louder.

"_Whoa, I guess you like that one, huh? Hit it Eddy!" _Christian said, nodding towards his fellow rhythm section member.

Eddy took a few seconds to acknowledge the crowd before launching into the faced-paced beat of their opening song.

The gig went on flawlessly from that point, as presumed usual. While they were introducing "Rockin' Out", Ed did his backward duck-walk back to where Eddy was.

"Hiya Eddy!" Ed shouted over the noise while playing the blues scale driven song.

"Hey Ed." Eddy panted.

"Jimmy's right in front of the stage, he's really hitting it off with that Cindy girl that he likes so much!" Ed hollered.

"That's cool, I knew Jimmy had it in him! Now get your Mulleted ass back to the front lines, Ed!" Eddy yelled.

"Gotcha, Eddy!" Ed nodded, duck walking his way back towards his spot on the stage.

Eddy finished off the song by playing a minute long ending fill on the drums. He pumped his fists in the air once he finished before sitting back down behind his drum kit. Christian downed half of his water bottle before addressing the crowd one more time.

"_Woo! It's been a fuckin' crazy night, huh?"_ Christian croaked into the microphone.

The crowd cheered again, pumping their fists in the air and flipping the heavy metal salute towards the band.

"_We've got one more song for ya tonight, you know it, you love it, it's called 'Apocalypse'! 1, 2, 3, go!" _

The band played the first song that they wrote together louder and faster than they had any other song that night. After throwing on a two and a half minute ending fill/finishing riff, the band finished the show.

"_Thank you! Before we go we'd like to ask you all to come out and see us at the Mosh Rock Festival next week at the SkyDome at 5:00. The Eds and I'll see ya there, good night!" _Christian yelled.

They struck one final note before the lights were cut and turned back on, giving them the chance to go to their area and rest, meaning behind the counter of the bar.

"I bet that there were like, as many people as last time out there!" Ed stated.

" Yeah, if that's the case, we probably broke our own record by a couple people thanks to Jimmy bringing the dork brigade and that girl he likes over here!" Christian added.

"You guys did it again!" Pierre yelled hysterically.

"Whoa, calm down Pierre, what's the headcount?" Edd inquired.

"Four hundred and eight people were out there tonight! That means that we're all going home with fat wallets!" the hockey fan grinned, "You know what? I've made my decision, you guys are going on my wall of fame!"

"You serious?" Christian asked in disbelief.

"Why would I be joking about something like this? Now you boys stay here while I go get my camera!" Pierre answered, scuttling off towards his back room.

"Hey guys, check it out, it's Jimmy!" Eddy pointed.

The band turned around to see their little buddy saying something to Cindy. When he was done, she nodded and responded. She then turned to leave, but stopped herself and gave Jimmy a peck on the cheek.

"Whoa-ho! Looks like Jimmy's having a good day, huh guys?" Ed asked, elbowing them again.

"Ow! Ed, quit elbowing people, it hurts!" Eddy griped, "Hey look, here comes ol' Casanova now."

"She said she'd call me…" Jimmy breathed, "_and_ I got her number!"

"Way to go, little dude, I told ya you could do it!" Christian said, slugging Jimmy on the arm.

"Damn, Jimmy, what kind of magic where you working out there?" Eddy asked, "I didn't get a peck until my third date!"

"I don't know, I just banged my head, had a good time," Jimmy spaced, then zipped together "and I danced with her when you guys played 'Bleeding Me'."

"Glad we could be of assistance, Jimmy." Edd replied.

"Ok, boys I'm back with my camera!" Pierre said, "Now smile!"

Pierre shot two quick pictures with his huge instant camera. He made the band sign one before bidding them "catch you boys at the SkyDome" and leaving.

"We'd better get going, too." Eddy said, "C'mon Jimmy, I'll give you and the car-less wonder over here a ride home."

With that, the five metal heads got into their respective vehicles and took off towards their homes.

Edd rooted through his pockets and fished out his house keys. After unlocking the door, he trudged up the flight of stairs to his room. He placed his Telecaster on its stand and flopped onto his bed. That night as well as the whole week had been great! The crowd loved all of their new songs, even "Labat Blues" much to his surprise. He made a few hundred dollars and even got put on the 5-Hole Tavern wall of fame. He couldn't sleep from all the excitement that was building up inside him already for the Mosh Rock Festival, which he felt very confident about winning.

He walked back downstairs towards the kitchen to make himself a midnight snack. As he was sorting through the refrigerator, he noticed that once again, the new message light was blinking.

"Let me guess, rush meeting in Indianapolis?" Double D scoffed, pushing the play button.

"_Friday July 24th, 2005. 4:15 PM." _The machine beeped.

"Hello, Eddward… This is your Uncle Frank in Indianapolis. There was an accident, the plane your mom and dad were on lost control or blew an engine or something and c-crashed. They say your mom's in critical condition, but your dad didn't make it, son. I'm sorry, just try to get over here when you can…"

"_End of message." _The machine concluded.

A cold, lonely feeling welled up inside the guitar god. Dead? His dad was _dead?_ Hot, salty tears poured out down his face as he stood in that spot. Then, automatically, Double D began to walk towards the liquor cabinet, pulling out the large bottle of imported 14-year-old scotch.

He slumped down, leaning against the counter while crying, chugging down half the bottle in a few seconds. Five minutes later, the scotch was gone, and the wine coolers and beer were dumped down his esophagus. Within that hour, every alcoholic beverage was popped open and consumed.

The sloshed guitarist collapsed to his knees after finishing the last of the tiny bottle of Jack Daniel's he discovered in the back of the refrigerator.

"_Oh God…" _he sobbed.

After retching violently, his mouth filled with blood; which splattered to the floor.

"_Oh God…" _Edd repeated.

Then all went black.

>>>>>>>>>>>

"_Well, 'ello there, Double D," a voice greeted, ".54… Damn, and you're still alive, too. You beat the hell outta my record. That is not good, mate, not good at all…" _

"_Huh?" _

_Edd looked up and saw a man that looked to be in his early to mid thirties sitting in front of him in a black wing chair. He had long, platinum blonde hair, like Christian's, only curlier, and a Gibson Les Paul was in his lap. Edd immediately recognized him as Steve Clark, the fourteen-years deceased Def Leppard guitarist. _

"_Steve? What happened? Where am I?" _

"_You drank too much and blacked out, plain and simple," The cockney guitarist replied, lighting a cigarette, "Too much? That's puttin' it a little lightly, isn't it? You should be dead right now, you lucky lit'l bastard…" _

"_You mean I'm not dead?" Edd inquired. _

"_Nope. Not yet, anyway." Steve answered, taking a puff of his cigarette, "So, Double D, did I stutter when I told you to stay away from the drink about five weeks ago?" _

"_No… I just… I didn't know what else to do, I just grabbed the scotch and then…" Double D felt tears swell up in his eyes again. _

"_Hey, c'mon now," Steve said, patting Double D on the back "Rock gods don't cry, mate. Ditch those damn tears, now." _

_Edd nodded and dried his eyes on his shirt. _

"_I'm not trying to be your enemy, I'm trying to help you beat what I couldn't," the guitar god said, "You can't end up like me, you've got too much to live for! You've got your friends, a couple hundred fans, your mum who's in some hospital in Indiana in critical condition, not to mention all the talent you'll ever need!" _

"_Y-You're right, Steve." Edd sniffed, "I can't drown my grief out in scotch when I have a rock festival to win and a mom in the hospital." _

"_That's good, 'Eddward the Great'," Steve replied, snuffing his cigarette, "You'll beat the drink yet. You still fucked up, though. You've got an ambulance ride and a stomach pump ahead of you when you come to." _

_Edd nodded. "You think I'll be able to quit for good? I mean, I thought I was done after the binge when Kayliegh broke up with me…" _

"_Don't worry, you've got your band mates, they'll help you get through it," Steve replied, "I'll come by and check on you from time to time, too." _

"_Thanks, Steve. I've been wondering though, why are you helping me?" _

"_Why wouldn't I? It tears me up every time I see another kid die from the sauce, and besides," Steve grinned, punching Edd on the arm, "We rock gods have to stick together, right?" _

_Edd grinned and nodded to the legendary Leppard. _

"_Bye Steve, thanks again." _

"_No problem, mate," Steve called, "Just remember what I told you, you'll be fine!" _

"Hey Ed, wake up you idiot!"

The car-less wonder yawned and stretched as his eyes peeled open.

"Hiya Eddy!" Ed greeted.

"Yeah, hey Ed," Eddy replied, "'Bout time you woke up, Mullet. It's like, noon already!"

"What?" Ed asked.

The confused rhythm guitarist scratched his head and looked up at the clock. Oh, pshaw! What was Eddy whining about? It was only 12:15. _12:15! _  
Ed ran frantically about his room, throwing on a clean t-shirt and pair of jeans and sloppily ran a comb through his ol' Kentucky Waterfall before racing back to meet his friend.

"Finally! Took ya long enough…" the drummer griped, "Now c'mon Ed, let's go get Double D, maybe he'll think of something to do."

"Right behind you, Eddy!" Ed responded.

The two strutted up Peach Creek Court towards their friend's lair, which still only had the Volkswagen in the driveway.

"Huh, I thought Double D said his parents were supposed to come home today." Eddy noted as he rang the doorbell an unnecessary amount of times, "C'mon, Double D, open up!"

Eddy rang the doorbell, screamed, and pounded some more, but to no avail.

"To good to answer the door, huh?" Eddy muttered, "C'mon, Mullet, we're sneaking in through the back."

"Oh goody!" Ed exclaimed as he hopped the fence with ease.

Ed and Eddy walked across the backyard and wended their way towards the back door. Just as Eddy suspected, the door was open and they crept inside carefully.

"Double D? Quit foolin' around, we know you're home!" Eddy yelled, "Jeez! Where the hell _is_ he?"

"Maybe the little bastard's asleep, Eddy!" Ed proclaimed.

"Yeah right… I'll check his room, you look down here." Eddy commanded.

"Gotcha, Skipper!" Ed replied, giving Eddy a mock salute.

Ed looked around his surroundings. Well, he knew one thing, his fellow guitarist sure as hell wasn't in the living room; but what about the kitchen? Ed wandered down the hall and stepped into the kitchen area. Suddenly, he heard a small  
-clink-

"Huh?"

Ed looked down and picked up a huge bottle. As he looked across the floor, he saw even more bottles. _This wasn't good… _

"Double D? Are you in here?" Ed asked.

"_Ed…" _a choked voice responded.

Ed looked up and saw his friend's shoes sticking out from under the kitchen table. He raced over and pulled his buddy out from under the table.

"Double D, are you ok?" Ed inquired.

Edd didn't give an answer, but instead moaned and coughed up more blood.

"Uh-oh, coughing up blood's not ok!" Ed cried, "EDDY! GET DOWN HERE!"

Eddy groaned and shuffled down the steps and towards the kitchen.

"He probably got his finger stuck in the drain again…" Eddy grumbled.

Eddy entered the kitchen and was shocked to see Double D of all people passed out on the kitchen floor with coughed up blood all around him.

"Oh fuck! I'll call an ambulance!" Eddy yelled, dashing towards the phone.

"911, what is your emergency?" An oddly calm lady responded.

"Yeah, I need a fuckin' ambulance, _now!" _

"Sir, calm down. What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, lady. My friend's passed out on the floor, he's not moving and he's coughing up blood!" Eddy shouted into the phone.

"Ok, sir where are you?"

"615 Peach Creek Court, now hurry! He's not moving!" Eddy yelled.

Eddy hung up the phone and turned around to help tend to his lifelong buddy.

"Eddy, look." Ed trembled, showing Eddy the empty bottle of scotch, "Double D's hooked on something Eddy, and it's not phonics…_" _

"Ah, I think he's finally awakening." A strange voice said.

Edd's eyes slowly opened to see a doctor and a few nurses standing around him. He wasn't shocked that he was in a hospital, but he wondered how long he was expected to stay there. He, Ed, Eddy, and Christian had a contest to win…

"How are you feeling, Eddward?" The doctor asked.

Edd raised his hand slightly and rocked it from side to side in response.

"I feel ok, I guess, just a little woozy." He answered.

"It's a miracle you're alive at all," The doctor said, "You consumed a dangerous amount of alcohol, your B.A.C was .54, yet you seem to be doing oddly well."

"Somebody up there likes me, I guess." Edd replied.

"Would you like to see your friends, Eddward?" The nurse asked, "They've been pacing the halls since you got here about two hours ago."

"Y-Yeah let 'em in." Double D muttered.

The nurse left briefly and returned with Ed, Eddy, and Christian, who all looked extremely pensive and nervous.

"How's he doing, doc?" Eddy asked.

"He's doing surprisingly well," The doctor responded, "Much better than we expected."

"When will he be able to go home?" Ed questioned.

"He should probably stay here for a day or two, just to make sure he recovers properly. I'd say he'd be out by Thursday at the latest." The doctor answered, "When we do release him, though, make sure he relaxes, he's still very weak physically from all the alcohol."

"Can do, thanks doc." Eddy stated.

"We'll just leave you four alone to visit for a while." The doctor said, "Call us if he needs anything."

"Hey there, Double D. How ya feelin'?" Christian asked his friend.

"I feel awesome, man," Double wheezed, flipping the metal salute, "I just have one hell of a hangover."

"You think you'll be able to play on Friday? We can forfeit our spot, there's always next year…" Eddy added.

Edd shook his head aggressively, "No, I'll be good to go by Friday, this is our big chance! If we win this, we'll be huge! I'll play sitting down if I have to!"

"Ye-heah!" Christian said in his 'stage voice', "That's the spirit! But seriously, you want anything? Another pillow, perhaps a refreshing lukewarm hospital beverage?"

"You know what I'd really like right now?" Edd said, "Could one of you guys bring my guitar over here for me? I've got to keep my skills sharp for the Mosh Rock Festival we're going to win."

"Consider it done." Eddy answered, "We'll all go over to your place and bring you back some clothes and CDs and stuff, too. It's probably gonna get mega boring around here real quick."

"Thanks, guys, I appreciate it." Edd said.

"Any time, guitar god." Christian replied, "We'll be back soon, you lie down here and try to focus on getting better. No more beers for _you_ mister!"

"Woo-hoo! Party at Double D's house!" Ed hooted as he followed Eddy and Christian out the door.

"Ready to go there, Double D?" Christian asked.

"Hell yeah I'm ready, I've been waiting to check out all week!" The recovered guitarist replied, "C'mon, let's go."

Edd picked up his guitar and strapped it over his shoulder, then slipped on his shoes and slowly began to walk towards the door, where his friends were waiting to give him a ride home. The doctor was right, Edd felt a little wobbly when he walked, but hey, his playing hadn't suffered at all. If worse came to worse, he could always use that chair idea he thought up.

"Take it easy, man," Eddy said, "We don't want you to have to come back here anytime soon."

"Alright, Alright…" Double D muttered, "You're worse than my mother..."

"That was a good one, Double D!" Ed chuckled.

Edtallica walked to the receptionist and checked Edd out, then made their way to the parking lot. They let Double D ride shotgun in Eddy's truck while Christian and Ed piled into the back. As they drove home, Double D felt nervous. It wasn't just the pre-gig jitters that were slowly overtaking him before Mosh Rock, but he was also nervous about the future. Would he be able to quit the drink for good? Then he looked around at his band mates. That answered his question, with a little help from his friends, he would probably be able to do lots of things.

A/N: Whoa, long chapter! My wrists and fingers are killing me, but I don't care. It looks like we're nearing the end of Edtallica's wild ride, but cheer up, faithful readers; it's not over yet! Read and review this bad boy while I go dunk my hands in a bucket of ice.


	12. Rock 'Til You Drop

Disclaimer: I own Christian, Pierre, the guys in Iron Fist. Other than that, I own squat!

Well… we all knew this day would come. The day when Edtallica's wild ride ended, and what a ride it's been, eh? Don't be too depressed, this chapter's gonna be great, you can count on that! Huzzah!

Chapter 12: Rock 'til you Drop

"_HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR E-ED, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOU!" _Edd, Eddy, Christian, and Jimmy crooned.

The band and their "artistic coordinator" cheered loudly as Ed blew out the 19 candles on the dinky guitar-shaped cake in one gargantuan breathe. Even though the contest was only one day away, the band decided to hang around at Eddy's house to celebrate their rhythm guitarist's birthday.

"I know this's gonna sound a little stupid Ed, but what'd you wish for?" Christian asked, taking a sip from his Labat.

"Oh, I wished that'd we'd win the contest tomorrow, Christian." Ed replied, "Silly little bastard…"

"Not like we're going to need that wish!" Eddy retorted cockily, "We're frickin' Edtallica, we don't need luck!"

After another pointless cheer, the band divvied up the puny pastry as evenly as they could among the five of them and inhaled it on sight.

"Oh, guys I almost forgot!" Jimmy stated, grabbing his backpack, "I got your t-shirts made at that custom clothing design shop downtown."

Jimmy passed each of the band members a black t-shirt. EDTALLICA was printed in white across the top in Jimmy's logo writing with a picture of "Winslow" underneath.

"Whoa, these are awesome, Jimmy!" Ed exclaimed, "They even have our names on the back!"

"You just be sure to wear them at Mosh rock tomorrow." Jimmy said.

"Speaking of which," Eddy interrupted, "Did you guys see who the judges were?"

"Here we go…" Edd muttered, massaging his temples warily.

"_Tommy Lee_'s one of the special judges!" Eddy exclaimed, "He's been my hero since like, forever!"

"Jeez, Eddy calm down," Christian said, "Jason Newsted and Lemmy Kilmiester are there too, but you don't see me spazzing out do you?"

"Yeah, and Buck Dharma's supposed to show up, too!" Ed interrupted with a mouth full of cake, "Do you think he will let us be one of his many side projects if we win?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Ed." Jimmy responded, patting the birthday boy on the back, "It should be a good show, though. Thanks for the ticket, Christian!"

"No problem, little dude, my parents wouldn't like it and I don't presently have a girlfriend to speak of to give it to. Just think of it as a 'thanks' for the t-shirts." Christian said.

"So… how're things going with that Cindy girl, Jimbo?" Ed asked, elbowing his little buddy.

"They're going pretty good," Jimmy nodded, "I've been out with her about six times or so."

"You touched any bases yet?" Eddy asked slyly.

Jimmy looked away and turned a few shades of red before nodding slightly.

"We made out for like, five minutes at the end of the last date we went on." Jimmy answered, blushing some more.

"'Atta boy, Jimmy!" Eddy laughed, "I knew you had it in ya!"

The five continued to have enchanting conversation of that nature with the music cranked for a few more hours.

"Any of you guys got the time?" Ed asked.

"Oh yeah sure, it's about uh… four thirty-five." Christian answered.

"Oh ok, tha- _Four thirty-five!_ I've gotta go, guys!" Ed yelped.

"What do ya mean you've gotta go?" Eddy griped.

"I mean I was supposed to drive Sarah to her school schedule pickup ten minutes ago!" Ed yelped.

"Are you tellin' me that you have to drive Abercrombie-and-Bitch around on your own _birthday?" _Eddy asked raising an eyebrow, "That's total bullshit! Why can't your parents do it?"

"Mom's at a meeting and dad's still at work!" Ed answered, bolting out the door, "I'll catch ya later, guys!"

"I still think that's total bull!" Eddy cried after him.

Ed sprinted home as fast as he could, his red mullet flapping in the breeze behind him. As he drew nearer to his house, he could see his sister leaning against his mother's car, tapping her foot impatiently.

"_There_ you are! Where were you?" Sarah snapped.

"I was at Eddy's and I lost track of time, sorry baby sister!" Ed cried as he ran inside to fetch the car keys.

Ed opened the door and snatched the keys to his mom's shamefully un-metal purple PT Cruiser and went back outside.

"Some birthday this is…" Ed muttered, "Ha ha ha, '_Abercrombie and Bitch'_ that was a good one!"

Ed and Sarah quickly got into the car and sped off towards Peach Creek High.

"I'm going to be _so_ late, Ed." Sarah griped, "Thanks a lot…"

"Well _excuse_ _me_ for trying to celebrate my fucking birthday!" Ed muttered, "You can't be late for a schedule pickup, Sarah. That's a _suggested_ time to show up!"

"How do you know?" Sarah asked.

"Uh… I _graduated_ last year, Sarah. I've been to four of these things, you know." Ed answered, "Oh, look! Here's the school now!"

After parking the Chrysler in the same spot that he'd parked in everyday during the school year, Ed trudged back into the building he never thought he'd have to set foot in again. Ed sighed as he looked about his old stomping grounds, which were once again full of bewildered freshmen-to-be, broken-in sophomores, battered juniors, and seasoned seniors picking up schedules, locker combos, and chatting with buddies loudly.

"Ok Sarah, here's how this works," Ed explained quickly and unenthusiastically, "First, go to Mrs. Thomas and tell her your name, she'll give you your schedule. Then you go over there to Mr. Klaus and get your locker combo. If you want to join drama, go to their booth, pick up a form, fill it out and give it back. That's all there is to it, I'll be right here when you're done."

Ed then crossed his arms and slumped into one of the chairs that were set up in the hallway. He watched his sister follow his instructions for a while, but then he saw Sarah wave to somebody and walk over. Then he heard high-pitched "greeting squeals" as he called them, followed by hyperactive preppy chatter.

"Oh for the love of Danzig…" Ed muttered, slapping his forehead, "This'll take a while…"

Ed sat in that spot for what seemed like an eternity. He checked the clock that was hung on the wall every two minutes, praying that the hands would move a little bit faster each time. For an hour he sat there, and just when the mulleted guitarist swore that he was starting to gather dust, his sister showed up and gave him an overaggressive poke on the shoulder.

"Ok Ed, I'm ready to go home now." The sinister sibling smiled.

"Jeez Sarah, I don't know how you managed to make a twenty-five minute stop last an hour and a half, but you did it… Congratulations." Ed moaned as he started to drive.

Sarah snorted at the rocker snootily. "I was talking to some friends and lost track of time, sorry big brother." She taunted.

Ed cringed and turned up the radio, which was set on his favorite station: 106.6 "Wicked Six" FM. Ed grinned as the self-proclaimed best DJ in the city bantered endlessly. If anybody could block out Sarah's bitching, "Lightening Leif" was the guy.

"Hey everybody, it's Leif joining you on the countdown to the Mosh Rock contest tomorrow in Toronto, where I'll be there judging, of course. Ok I've some Metallica for ya right now off of 'Kill 'Em All' this is_ 'Seek and Destroy'!_"

"Oh! This song's awesome, Sarah!" Ed proclaimed, cranking the volume up even higher.

Ed smiled and banged his head to the loud, fast early Metallica song. He didn't know the words, but that didn't take away from the coolness for him, at least he knew the chorus.

Ed started to sing along with James Hetfield on the chorus.

"Oh…. Seek and des-"

"-to finally rest my head on somethin' real, you know how good that feels..."

"_Hey…_ Wait just a minute there…" Ed said, "This isn't James Hetfield, it's Ashlee Simpson. She sucks! And not in the good way like her sister, if you know what I think I'm talking about…"

"That song sucked worse than your band, Ed!" Sarah spat, "Now _this_ is good music. If you let Nazz play in your band, you'd suck less!" 

At that moment, something snapped inside the mind of the Mullet. He slammed on the breaks, causing the tires to squeal loudly on the pavement before jolting to a rocky stop.

"Ed! What the hell are you doing?" Sarah screeched.

Ed felt his eyebrows furrow as he looked over at his sister in the seat next to him.

"_Get…. out…now!"_ Ed seethed.

"What?"

"_You heard me… get the fuck out of the car now!"_ Ed continued, "_If you have a brain in your head, you'll get up, and walk for the last twenty feet to the house. There, you'll go to your room, shut up, and leave me alone, got it?"_

"You're making _me_ walk home because I told the truth?" Sarah asked.

"_Did I stutter, princess?" _Ed asked.

"Wha- this is bull!"

Before she could whine more, Ed gave her an aggressive boot out of the car and sped off. As he reached over to switch the station back, it suddenly occurred to him. He had just stood up to Sarah! He'd given ol' Abercrombie n' Bitch a much needed attitude adjustment, and that felt _good._ The angry brows were then substituted with a large, toothy, Pierre-style grin.

"This birthday's starting to pick up!" Ed said to himself happily.

He pulled up into his driveway and strutted downstairs to his room. His parents wouldn't be home for another hour, and it would be about twenty minutes 'til his sister would come home; and he had some celebrating to catch up on and some serious pre-gig jitters to get.

After locking the door and putting "Birthday" by the Beatles on a continuous loop on his stereo, Ed picked up his trusty old Fender Stratocastor and relaxed. He listened to the classic Beatles tune about ten times before getting tired of it, and decided that he should practice a little bit for the next day's contest.

Later, as Ed was practicing the chorus of "Helpless", he heard a knock on his door.

"Who is it?" Ed called.

"It's me, champ. Can I come in?" his dad responded.

"Yeah, sure." Ed said.

As the knob turned, Ed felt scruples about his actions earlier, which were surely going to get him grounded right now. Ed couldn't bear to feel the tension before his punishment was laid on him, so he came out and asked.

"Am I grounded, dad?" Ed asked.

"What? No, why would your mother and I ground you on your birthday of all days?" his dad asked.

"Well uh, Sarah-"

His dad chuckled and clutched his shoulder.

"Are you kidding, Ed? You think we'd ground you for _that?_ Don't worry, much to your mom's dismay, I grounded your sister for a week; no Internet, no music, no cell phone, nothing."

"Whoa, really?" Ed asked, still in awe, "Are you serious?"

"Yep, let's just say I know what you're going through right now. Got the jitters yet?"

Ed nodded, "Yeah, but I've got a good feeling that we're going to win it tomorrow!"

"Oh! Almost forgot, while we're talking about that, I got you a present, close your eyes." His dad said.

Ed placed his hand over his eyes and waited anxiously.

"Ok, you can open 'em now!"

Ed removed his hand and noticed a hard black guitar case with "Gretsch" printed on the side. He unlatched the case and saw one of the most beautiful guitars he'd ever seen. Inside the case lay a Gretsch Tennessee Rose with a dark mahogany finish.

"I figured you'd need a new guitar for the contest tomorrow," his father said, "You've been playing that beat up strat since I got it used off ebay for you when you were 12. So, happy birthday Ed!"

Ed picked up the rock n' roll masterpiece and strapped it over his shoulder. He played a few notes, still in awe that his dad coughed up over $2000 for it.

Ed looked up and saw his dad strap on the white strat.

"C'mon, why don't you show me how you're going to win that contest tomorrow?"

Ed grinned and plugged in the guitar, launching into a song with his dad.

"Hey mom, would you pass the corn?"

Eddy didn't know why he was asking for more food; he could feel the pre-gig jitters piling up inside him already. He managed to shove down a few more bites of food that he hopefully wouldn't regurgitate within the next few hours.

"Eddy, you're not eating very much, are you ok?" his mom asked, reaching up to feel his forehead.

"I'm fine mom, honest." Eddy answered, "I'm just a little nervous about tomorrow's all."

"Why are you nervous, Eddy?" his father asked, giving him yet another look, "Do you have another 'gig' tomorrow that you'll be gone all day for?"

"No way dad," Eddy answered, a cocky smirk now growing on his face, "Me and the boys entered the Mosh Rock Contest. If we win, we'll probably get a record deal. Which means…"

Eddy looked at his dad and motioned for him to finish his sentence. Instead, Eddy just found himself on the receiving end of another odd look.

"C'mon dad, you know what it means if we win tomorrow. It means that we became a success before summer ended, which means…"

Mr. Van Dam rolled his eyes before finishing his son's sentence.

"That would mean you've won our bet." He sighed.

"That's right, pop. Which means I can keep my hair _and_ I don't have to go to DeVry or anything!" Eddy declared, "Well, I'm stuffed. May I be excused?"

As Eddy went to the kitchen to wash his dishes, he could hear his parents talking quietly.

"…I still don't see why you're so upset with him for being a drummer, dear. It's his life, let him do what he wants." His mother whispered.

"Don't you get it? He's like a carbon copy of his brother!" his dad snarled.

"So? Jeff's doing fine over in San Francisco. In fact, just last week he called me saying that he's getting a raise, and he's marrying that nice girl he met last summer!"

" Only after nearly being homeless and sleeping with practically every skank on the Sunset Strip! I don't want another rock n' roll wannabe son!"

_Wannabe?_

"Couldn't help but overhear your sparkling dinner conversation, pop," Eddy interrupted, "So me and Jeff are just fuck-ups in your eyes, huh?"

"I didn't say that, I was just simply trying to say-"

"Don't feed me crap and say it's ice cream! I just heard you restate that over and over again just a few minutes ago!" Eddy yelled, "We're going to win that contest tomorrow, dad. We're going to win, and Edtallica's going to be _huge_. Then, one day you're going to be sitting in some nice home I'm gonna buy for you two on a sunny beach thinking, 'why wasn't I proud of my boys?' Well, I'm going to go practice, I'll call you at work tomorrow once we win!"

Eddy trudged over to his room and sat at the helm of his drum kit and began to beat them fiercely with a determination that he'd never had before. He played every song on the play list, ending it with a three minute ending fill before stopping.

"Tomorrow," Eddy panted,"Tomorrow, it begins!"

"How's she doing, Uncle Ralph?" Edd asked his uncle over the phone.

"She's been doing pretty good today, she could sit up by herself and everything."

"Will she be able to walk again?"

"No, probably not. She's got no feeling below the waist, Eddward. The doctors say that she's going to half to use a wheelchair for the rest of her life."

"Ok."

"Are you feeling ok, buddy? You sound kind of weak yourself!"

"No, no I'm fine. I just need to catch up on some sleep for the big day tomorrow."

"Oh yeah! I remember hearing about your band getting in that contest, good luck then! Go get yourself some rest, you really do sound tired…"

"Ok, I'll try to get over there as soon as I can after the contest."

"Sounds good, she's been asking about you for days. Bye."

"Bye."

Edd hung up the phone and walked up the stairs to his room and immediately got into bed.

"It's been one eventful summer, hasn't it, Eddward?" he whispered to himself, staring blankly at the ceiling.

If he were younger, he would be feeling the troubles of another awkward day of failed scams fading away as he lay down in bed. Pfft, scams. Jawbreakers. That was kid stuff. Books, studying, cleaning, that was kid stuff, too. Dreams of being a doctor or a big successful businessperson like his parents: kid stuff. Kid stuff was behind him now.

Right now, he had to "live in the now" as Garth said in "Wayne's World". Tomorrow was the most important day of his musical career, and he had to make sure to play like he'd never played before. He had to for his friends, for his hundreds of fans, for himself, and for his family.

Christian pulled up to a shop called "The Axe Armory Guitar Shoppe" and walked in. The time had come to get a new bass, because needless to say, his old black Fender was a little worse for wear. He also needed a fresh bass for a fresh start as the huge rock star that he was going to become tomorrow.

"Christian? Is that you?"

"Hey there, Walt!" Christian greeted his old friend.

"Dude, I haven't seen you since uh…"

"High School?" Christian interrupted.

"Yeah, high school! So what're you doing here so late?" Walt asked.

"Just came here to buy a new bass," Christian answered, "I'm in a new band, and we're playing Mosh tomorrow, got any suggestions?"

Christian followed his high school chum around the bass section of the store for about forty-five minutes, looking for the perfect instrument. After trying out and posing with nearly every bass in the store, he finally found what he was looking for: a black ESP F-104, which gave him the semi-satanic look that he wanted.

After buying his new instrument, he drove quickly back to his apartment. He placed his new ESP on his guitar stand, then hung his old, beat up, duct tape covered Fender in a place of honor above his bed so that he could admire it. He then crawled into his tiny bed, for he'd need all the sleep he could get for his "second day of rebirth".

"Eddy! Eddy! Aw c'mon, Eddy wake up!"

"What the?"

Eddy's eyelids slithered open at the sudden ruckus coming from outside. He pulled open his blinds to see Ed tapping on his window, like he would when they were younger.

"WHAT?" Eddy yelled at Ed through his window.

Ed put his watch up to the window and tapped it frantically.

"C'mon, Eddy hurry up and get dressed, it's 9:30 already!" Ed cried, "Double D already drove off, c'mon!"

Eddy sprang out of bed and threw on his leather pants (courtesy of his brother) and his Edtallica shirt. He then quickly grabbed his bottle of Aquanet and his drum sticks and bolted out the door towards his car.

"What time does the contest start again?" Eddy asked his friend.

"The form says that we have to be there by 2:30, we've still got some time, I think!" Ed answered, "But on a different topic, guess what I did yesterday, Eddy?"

"Am I going to care about this, Ed?" Eddy inquired.

Ed nodded happily and told his lifelong friend about how he finally stood up to his sister _and _didn't get grounded for it.

"About time you stepped up to the plate, Mullet!" Eddy exclaimed, "I thought I'd be fighting your battles for you 'til you were 20!"

"Well at ease, soldier!" Ed joked, "'Cause the Mulleteer's probably got one more battle in him."

"_Holy hell…" _Christian muttered as he looked out his truck window, "It hasn't been this crowded since the times when WrestleMania's come here!"

The band looked out the window at the quagmire that was the Sky Dome parking lot. Cars were lined up as far as the eye could see, with news channel vans zipping through and parking with the rest of the media circus.

"Where're we supposed to park?" Ed asked, "It looks like it's all full!"

"Wait, check it out!" Eddy exclaimed, pointing towards a sign.

A large sign that read "BAND PARKING AHEAD" in bright red letters pointed them towards a parking garage. After confirming themselves as contest entrants with a tollbooth guard, the band grabbed their equipment and headed towards the entrance. Inside, yet another sign greeted them and pointed the fearsome foursome towards the registration desk.

"Name?" a very threatening biker grunted from behind the table.

"Uh… we're Edtallica, sir." Christian responded carefully.

The Hell's Angel gave a grunt of acknowledgement. "I saw you guys play at the 5-Hole a couple weeks ago, you're _good_! "

"Thanks a lot, sir." Edd replied.

The biker let out a grunt that probably meant "don't mention it" and a snuff spit that surely meant "good luck", then pointed behind him.

"Dressing room's back there. There's a guy with a clipboard, he'll tell you when you're s'posed to go on, got it?"

"U-Uh huh…" Edtallica stuttered.

The Eds and their Canadian comrade backed away slowly towards the dressing room until they were well out of ear and eyeshot of the brutish biker, then walked quickly towards the guy with a clipboard. The much cheerier guy led them to their dressing room and showed them their time slot.

"Ok… Edtallica. You guys are on at 8:30 right after Iron Fist. I'll come get you about five minutes early to direct you towards the stage. There's a TV in there so you can watch the other contestants so you have an idea of what you're up against. I'll see you guys later!"

"Ok, thanks!" Ed called after him.

"8:30! Great, this'll be like waiting for death!" Eddy moaned, twirling a drumstick idly

"You've said that so many times that it doesn't mean anything anymore!" Christian pointed out, "We may as well watch the contest, it's not like there's anything else on, eh?"

"Hey guys, check it out, Christian's old band's on now!" Ed proclaimed, pointing at the TV screen.

"'Bout time, eh? Now I'll get to see the hoser that they replaced me with!" The Canadian said.

The slightly fuzzy screen barely picked up the five black-clad "devil worshippers" as they walked to the stage with their heads hung low and their matching pentagram necklaces gleaming in the stage lights.

"Whoa, those're some scary hosers right there, huh guys?" Ed said, elbowing Christian.

"They may _look_ scary Ed," Christian lectured, "But I've known most of 'em since High School, they don't have the balls to swat a fly!"

"Ha! Pansies!" Eddy cackled.

"All of 'em are compensating for something, too!" Christian chortled, "The singer guy, Luke Van Helsing, got shot down by seven girls before his senior prom. The two guitar players, Joe and Vance, used to be _really _nerdy! Chess clubbers, both of 'em! Last but not least, my brother Craig, the drummer, he enjoys watching home makeover shows, soap operas and Masterpiece Theatre!"

"Ha ha ha, they're not so spooky now that I think about it!" Ed chuckled.

"Shut up, Ed! They're starting to play." Eddy yelled.

The band sat and watched the satanic set. Every now and again, Christian would be mouthing along with the words or muttering "C'mon hoser, show me what makes you so great…"

Compensating nerds or not, the set was still shockingly frightening to the Eds. So shocking, that they almost didn't hear the clipboard guy knocking on the door.

"Ok, Edtallica, it's time!"

"Finally!" Eddy yelled leaping out the door.

The other three grabbed their guitars and followed the carrier of the clipboard towards a huge black curtain. They could feel the vibrations from the bass and drums at their feet as Iron Fist continued their barrage of Satanism. Christian swallowed and took a shaky, nervous breath. He then called his band mates into a huddle.

"I just wanted to tell you guys…" Christian blubbered, "That you're the best friends I've ever had, and this is the greatest band I've ever been a part of!"

"Aw c'mon, Christian," Eddy said, patting his friend on the back, "Don't get all weepy on us now, we've got a fucking contest to win!"

Christian nodded.

"LET'S GIVE 'EM HELL!" Ed yelled excitedly, clutching his new guitar like a bayoneted rifle.

The band then broke the huddle and began their "communist Mosh Pit", jumping higher and screaming as loud as they could, psyching themselves up as much as possible.

"Ok, you're on!" The clipboard guy cried, pointing them towards the stage entrance.

The boys walked out towards the stage, where "Lightening Leif" was introducing them.

"Ok, next up is a band that's made it big in the bar circuit! I saw 'em play at the 5-Hole Tavern a week ago, and they packed up the place, so put your hands together for _Edtallica!"_

The roar of the crowd was seemed deafening as the band walked confidently out onto the stage. They all took their places, and Christian plugged in his bass and clutched the mic.

"_Gooood Evenin' Toronto!" _Christian breathed into his mic, "_We're going to get things started with one of our favorite songs. This's called 'Helpless' by Diamond Head, ya ready!" _

The crowd let out a loud roar in response.

"_Hit it Eddy!"_ Christian said, nodding towards the drummer.

Eddy acknowledged the hugest crowd that he had ever seen before diving into the fast-paced beat full of fills and flams.

They played each song to near-perfection, putting their little stage antics into use. Ed performed his backward duck-walk more times than necessary, waving his mullet all over the place as he did so. Christian made up a move on the fly by downing a bottle of beer he had stored on behind one of the huge speakers without using his hands during his solo in "Deadeye".

"_Woo! Well looks like our time's almost up, Toronto!" _Christian said, pretending to cry, "_But we've got one more song for ya, it's the first song we ever wrote, we hope you enjoy it, it's called 'Apocalypse' 1,2,3, Go!" _

The band played their final song with the more enthusiasm than they ever had at any gig. Edd stretched his solo out by adlibbing for five minutes, and then Eddy played a four-minute ending fill to close the final song.

"_Thank you Toronto! Thanks for getting nutty with me and the Eds for a while, you crazy fuckers are awesome!" _

After his closing statement, Christian waved over his band mates to the front to the stage. Together, they raised each other's arms and took one final bow.

_Epilogue Montage: _(feel free to listen to any inspirational music while you read this part. I recommend "Yesterday" by Guns n' Roses, "Kickstart My Heart" or "Time for Change" by Motley Crue, "Two Steps Behind" by Def Leppard, or "Unskinny Bop" by Poison. Ok… maybe not so much on that last one, but I ramble, here's yer montage!)

_Edtallica won the Mosh Rock Contest. A few days later, Jason Newsted offered them a deal at Chophouse Records to record an album and tour with Echo Brain and Voivod during the summer of 2006. Edtallica eagerly accepted and began recording with Jason immediately. Their debut album "Heavy Metal Mental Case" went platinum shortly after its release. However, personal demons that some members battled with postponed a follow-up album and nearly destroyed the band. _

_Christian St. Denis- Christian became notorious for his pranks and constant unhealthy drinking binges while on the tour. The drinking nearly cost him his life when he drove his Ford Thunderbird convertible while drunk at dangerous speeds. He checked himself into rehab, where he stayed for eight months. He currently lives in Toronto, Ontario, where he hosts his own radio show and various music award ceremonies. _

_Ed O'Hare- Ed was one of the only members of Edtallica who didn't have any personal demons to contend with. He constantly found himself trying to stop his band mates from going down the road to self-destruction, and often failed. After Edtallica decided to take a break, he and Eddy stayed together and became the new hosts of MTV's Headbanger's Ball, where they brought back the humor and fun to the show, thereby boosting ratings. He currently lives in Detroit with his fiancé. _

_Eddward "Double D" McAllister- After winning the contest, Double D took a brief hiatus to the Illinois hospital where his mother was being held. There, he received his mother's blessing to go and live his dream. She died during a show in Los Angeles, causing Double D to relapse back into his grief drinking binges. He was checked into rehab for a year, where he swore to beat the drink for good. He is currently a journalist for Revolver Magazine and lives in San Diego, California. _

_Eddy Van Dam- Eddy was the other member that miraculously stayed clean while on tour. After the band began their "break", he joined Ed in joint-hosting Headbanger's Ball. There, he freely expressed his opinions on certain pop music stars, such as Ryan Cabrera and Ashlee Simpson. When Cabrera sued Ed and Eddy forthe constant on-air harrassment for a sum of quote "A million billion dollars", the ratings for the "ball" went through the roof. He currently lives in Brooklyn, New York. _

_To this day, Edtallica is anticipating getting together to make a follow-up album, but dates are not yet certain. _

A/N: Well, there it is, the last chapter. I'd just like to thank all of my loyal readers who've motivated me to write this story. I'm already thinking about writing a sequel, if you guys want one. If you do, simply type SEQUEL at the end of your review.

Thanks again,

\m/ Belgie \m/


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